  quit if you're through with it, you are gonna make me sick apologies for the MIA-ness. as predicted the throat tickle exploded, and i was sicker than i have been for a long time. all week. still am. this is fever and cold spells, coughing for an hour at a time, having an appetite so diminished that the only thing my stomach will accept is vegetarian boullion and saltines, fuck-you-we're-taking-you-over sick.
have also made a friend sick and i fear for matthew very, very much. this brings me to Thing One of Two that will be discussed today: i am quitting smoking. tomorrow is d-day. i have tried to do this several times before but i think my heart wasn't really in it; there is a certain part of every smoker who is in love with the ennui and the whole self-destruct aspect of it all. i would be lying if i said i have suddenly started hating smoking. this is not going to be easy, but the reality is that it is going to kill me if i don't. i am tired of getting the same illnesses every two months. i am tired of being worried about my breath all of the time. i am tired of my nonsmoker friends making faces and waving smoke away if i am out at a bar with them or something. most of all, i am tired of being a statistic. women my age are the most likely to be aware of the hazards of smoking yet the least likely to quit.
that's fucked up, y'all. for anyone who reads this and knows me in real life, donations to the carrot sticks/chewing gum/pencil/nicorette (we'll see if the last one's necessary, but i'm not above it) fund will be graciously accepted. even more alarming, i bring you Thing Two of Two: the bush administration has ruled that federal employees will now have no means to fight back if they are fired or demoted for being gay. and the white house is removing gay rights information for employees from all government webpages.
urlLink go here, please. i really don't know what to say about this. i am not very good at being eloquent about things that make me this angry. and somehow just saying "i'm going to move to fucking canada" seems really trite. how did the world get to be like this? soundtrack: modest mouse, the moon & antarctica (out) 
