  Grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I can't change And the wisdom to know the difference.... ***** I've been reading your posts and I tried to picture you one last time: your hand clutching mine, the way I play with your lips, they way you go silent everytime I say something crazy. Definitely, I will miss all of these. As a matter of fact, I've been missing a lot of things about you. I miss the usual texts : good morning MY JOY, lunch kana MY JOY, out-of the-blue I Love Yous, when I sleep I'll be dreaming of you MY JOY, anything that would catch my attention. Now, I'm lucky to receive just a text from you a day. Heck, three messages from me would equal to just one reply from you! I miss the fone calls . I'm not obliging you call me every so often but I just miss that you sometimes call when I'm in the middle of my work for no apparent reason. It's something sweet.... and exciting.And calls now just last a maximum of an hour. Unlike before when you were pleading that I talk to you for another minute.... I miss the way you make me feel special. Like the mere fact of my leaving you would really kill you. That when I put down the fone on you, you would immediately call back. Now.... I think that for us, the past is just something to laugh about.
I miss the LOVE that once was there . I was feeling it before, like I could touch it, keep it my pocket.... keep it in my heart. But now, doubts are really clouding me and my instincts tells me that happy days are over. I'm crying as I write this because I now know that those days are gone. Gone are the texts, the calls, the way you make me feel special, the love. Gone is YOU . And I have to live with that and accept the fact that I never did once have you.
Because you love her. Our hearts are made to accomodate one person at a time. My turn with yours never came. I now believe in that. Sometimes I've been thinking if loving you was the right thing. If going beyond what I believe would be worth it. You told me that this ride would sure be interesting and worth it in the end. Thinking about it now, I believe that that is one of the saddest things anyone had said and promised me. Sad because it isn't true. Sad that I would not see that day come. And this is what I believe.
I'm praying very hard that He will grant me the strength to ignore and avoid you. Because that would give me my freedom, my peace of mind, and my heart back. I know I can. I just hope I can do it... ***** I have two appointments for the night: 1. With my ex-boyfriend (who just turned an ex two hours ago) -- He's supposed to pick me up in my office but I lied and said I went on field work.
2. With this Girl -- We had breakfast so I thought it wouldn't be that of a blow if I cancel dinner. Can't go out. Too mental right now. Too emotional. Too depressed. ***** "....And I'm shattered like, shatterred like your promises. " --- Rivermaya ***** (Song playing on my mp3. Sang by Nyoy Volante and Mannos, I never really did appreciate this song before until their remake) LOST IN YOUR EYES I get lost in your eyes, and I feel my spirits rise And so like the wind, is this love that I am in? I get weak in a glance, is it this what's called romance? Will I be found when I get lost in your eyes? I don't mind not knowin' what I'm headed for You can take me to the sky It's like being lost in heaven When I'm lost in your eyes And if I can't find my way If salvation seems worlds away Will I be found When I'm lost in your eyes?.... 
