  I hate everything. That has become my daily (sometimes more than daily) saying. Tonight, Ashley called me from my parents in tears b/c of the severe weather. This from a kid who normally is outside watching the storms and asking science questions throughout. I should be able to count on my parents to have her in bed at a reasonable hour, keep her from worrying about the storm rather than starting and then feeding that worry, and to feed her real meals. Instead, she was still up at 10:30, even though she has tennis here in Madison at 9am tomorrow and a full day planned beyond that.
She is hysterical about the storm, and when I calm her and promise it will be okay, she calls back to inform me that I could not possibly make a promise when it comes to the weather and why did I lie to her. Nice, huh? She has been in Whitewater for 5 meals this week, and three of them were fast food, the other two (breakfast) were sugary donuts. My niece is as bad as my brother. We were in the truck and this 8 yr old is making comments about the "fat" people who are outside walking. Anything she doesn't understand is stupid and she is just plain mean.
How can I feel such animosity towards a kid? I know that it is not her fault, but the fault of the parents, but still. Ashley is so tired of it too. And I am tired of explaining to her why some people think it is okay to act in such hurtful ways to others. I have the Psych appointment tomorrow and am scared. I feel like such a failure and I do not want to humiliate myself, which is what I tend to do a lot.
I hate everything about my life at this point. Well that's not fair to say, I love Christopher and Ashley, but I hate the relationship ruts that we are all in. I just want to be happy. How does it come so naturally to some people? my cousin Lori has HIV and hepatitis C. She is also in prison on drug charges again. I am not close to her at all, she is one of the oldest in the family, and I am one of the youngest, but still, it is very bothersome to me.
I did have another stapmin' up party and it was nice. I feel blessed to have friends who will take time out of their nights to come to my little crafty nights. Although, the one girls who I invite for Christopher's sake is really very negative. She has come to two parties and so far has made criticisms to Christopher about both parties. Maybe she thinks that she is being helpful, but she's not. In fact, it makes me dislike her.
She is still young, and maybe has yet to learn that sometimes you have to keep your negative shit to yourself. Hell, we all forget that sometimes, but I have thought both of those parties were successes, until I got her feedback. And I think the worst part is that she would never tell me, but she tells Christopher and prefaces it with , "Don't tell Sarah I said this but..." That is the most annoying of all. I know that Christopher is trying to be helpful when he passes this along to me, and I am honestly glad that he does, I don't want him to keep silly little things from me or feel like he cannot talk to me, but it is still annoying. She complained about the wine temperature for Christs' sake! I wanted to scream, "you are getting free wine, either drink it and like it or shut the fuck up!
" anyways, enough bitching for the night. I have had a bad night and I needed to vent. That's all this fucking page is, a big fucking bitch fest. That's okay, better out here than stuck inside. Maybe I will be drugged again soon and then I can be falsely happy and oblivious to the world around me again. That's what Doctors do for you, isn't it?
On a happy note, Christopher's little sister is the quote of the day at seventeen.com today. Her quote is this: "Love is something you find and can never lose, just misplace. " --Hilary, 14, Amboy, MN isn't that sweet? Poor, misguided youth... 
