  INTERNAL CONFLICTS R US it's times like these when i realize just how much i like this blog. sorry for not posting the last day or so, nothing honestly worth talking about, save an idea i had and that i've been thinking about constantly. it's tuesday. i think about how bored i am all the time and how nothing but flowing conversation seems to satisfy me, and the only bit of that that i get is with myself. i thought about how everything was so strange, it was like walking on eggshells that were destined to break, but treading lightly as to prolong the time before everything cracks. i thought about how on my scale, everything was stressful, and how i couldn't pinpoint what was wrong, so finding no plazable reason, i am simply happy, and how this is true with everyone.
i get this crazy idea... it's wednesday. mom leaves for New Orleans, i see a butterfly and start wishing for more butterflies. then i missed houston, then dallas, then maui, then i began missing everything i was missing. so that crazy idea stuck in my head, i would go live with daddy over the summer. i'm really no trouble... i take a lot of showers and i drink a lot of diet coke, nothing severe. i think it's a great idea. what a lovely way to relieve a little stress than to go hang with the daddio?!
we would play tennis and watch movies and talk about politics and i would drink all his water because he drinks distilled water and it tastes better. besides that, i hardly know the guy. i can't even tell you what he does for a living! when people ask, i tell them "oil", and it seems to suffice. it's wednesday afternoon, devon asks me to loan her some money for a school shirt thing, of course i do. it's thursday morning, this morning. i get up and prance to the shower, having gotten a good 7 hours. devon screams at me because she says a shower will frizz her hair, so i have to wait, regardless of the fact that there is a mirror and a vanity in our room.
this pisses me off royaly and screws me up for most of the day. i feel like getting away from devon would be another good reason to be dad's kid for a summer. thursday afternoon rolls around, i'm feeling good, devon asks me to do a book report for her in exchange for money and chores, i say yes. we order pizza, mom gets home around 8 o' clock. after she's settled in i go in her room and sit and chat with her, everything is going good, her trip was nice.
so i figure i might as well throw my idea out there. i casually ask her what she thought about me going to live with daddy for the summer. her knee-jerk reaction is to say that it would break her heart and she would hate me forever, but after rationalizing a bit, she says that it would hurt her feelings to know i would rather be with my dad than with her. when i try to explain my reasoning and how it's NOT her, she cuts me off with a foul "whatever". then devon launches into a little speech about how she knows that i want to get away from HER and how if i didn't have her, i would have nobody to tell on, nobody to blame, nobody to do the other chores, nobody to clean the room and nobody to whine to. mom backs her up by telling her that she is glad devon is wise enough to know that that's exactly how it would be.
i begin feeling more stupid and getting more angry. after a few more derragatory remarks from the peanut gallery, i left, saying sarcastically "thanks for listening to my suggestion like a mature adult". they poke fun at the fact that i am leaving. so then i came to the computer, trying to keep my heart from leaping out of my throat and wondering why my face is so hot. is this really such a terrible thing? is visiting my FATHER for ONE summer and finally figuring out were the rest of my gene pool came from such a crime that i should be chastised, dare i say humiliated by my mothers refusal to to accept the idea?
i could turn the situation to my advantage((by some standards)). i could say that she would be so lost without me to babysit her that she would positively DIE if i wasn't here for a couple months.... but i don't think i'm that egotistical. 1. i wish i had a kitten 2. the first movie i remember seeing as a little kid was Phenomenon 3. Phenomenon is one of my absolute favorite movies 4. i hate the girl who does the GladWare commercials, and if i ruled the world, i would have her buried, dug up, and catapulted into the sun. 5. i would do almost anything to avoid unconstructive confrentation((i.e., anything that wasn't a formal debate on an actual subject)), which is why i tend to tear out of buildings/rooms where such might occur. 
