  Why call me Beautiful? *heavy sigh* Yesterday I went over to Jerry's house to hang out with him. Well we're getting dinner ready and everything like and a friend of ours, Steve (aka Pinz), calls to tell him his sister is on the way home. So Jerry and I sit down to eat and the door opens. And strollin in comes Meghan (sister) and Pinz and Blade (another friend).
I saw Pinz and my heart little jumped. It was a weird feeling. I don't have that feeling with many people unless I have a very strong connection and there have only been a few and those people know who they are. If you have to ask you're not one of them. But I think I felt what I did because of the past history that we have. May is a significant thing to my life (Skittle you know what I'm talking about) Back then things between me and Pinz could have progressed but certain events stopped that. Anyways again, Jerry and I finish eating and so all of us go in to his room and start watching this stupid shit called Girls Gone Wild. The most retarded and pointless crap I have ever seen in my life. So I get bored with stupid bitches running around showing their shit, so i get up to go smoke outside.
Pinz comes and joins me. So I'm standing there looking around at everything and I happen to glance over at him. He's giving me the strangest look. So I asked him "what's wrong? " and he looks at me normal like and says "When we were in Jerry's room I was just looking at you thinking to myself how beautiful you are.
" In my head I'm like "OH MY GOD" but to him I said "Nah I ain't that pretty now. " I look over at him and he looks kinda hurt so I correct myself and say to him "Thanks. that's sweet. " Then he busts out with "Plus I was just thinking about how much I just want to kiss you. " so I say to him "Then why haven't you? " He looks away from me and says "Because I don't know how people will react if I do.
" So I say "It doesn't matter what other people think. You should do what you feel like doing. " We're standing there and it's deadly silent and uncomfortable. So I said, "You know I always wondered why you always look so sad? " and he responds with " I just don't know how to be happy. " Then conversation progresses back to talking about may. I said "You know ever since your 'drunken confession' incident I've thought a lot about you. " I don't remember his response but I do remember that then i kissed him. And he looked all happy for a split second =). But see now I'm really fucking confused. I don't know what is going on with that boy.
I mean if there's something that's there between us it really needs to be known. But nothing can really be done about that right now because unfortunantly I still love Jerry very much and still want to be with him. I guess I just have to quit dwelling and take the punches as they come. Song to tell the way I feel: (I Hate) Everything About You by Three Days Grace Mood: Needing questions to be answered 
