  I attended a political rally yesterday -  the first one I've ever attended,  and not the last one,  I hope.  Like I told Yaz and Lin in chat earlier,  I hope to get a chance to attend at least one political rally per candidate.
 That way I get to hear everybody's blustering rhetoric,  see things from all sides,  and make an informed decision in the end.  Plus,  I get to observe Philippine political behavior upfront -  whee!
 I hope I will be allowed to,  because for some reason my parents are afraid that in the course of doing so,  I will get myself trampled upon or spraypainted or arrested or hit in the head with a rock.  I,  on the other hand,  labor happily under the delusion that I am too smrt -
 er,  smart -  to get caught up in any of these idiocies.  Well,  we shall see.  Since I have no wish to be cryptic,
 I will reveal whose political rally I attended -  Brother Eddie Villanueva,  the evangelical church leader who claims his mandate came from God.  From a cynic's point of view,  not a very good line -  the same claim has been made by both Arroyo and Roco -
 but then again apparently God is a just God and does not play favorites.  Everybody is His candidate,  with a few exceptions.  I note that Lacson,  the believer in savage justice,  has not claimed any relationship with the Divine -
 perhaps he is afraid he will be struck by lightning.  Neither has Poe,  but then again Poe and his supporters are convinced that they need no one,  not even a Deity,  to be popular.  As for Eddie Gil,
 I suspect that when he asked God to endorse him,  God could not answer through his gusts of roaring laughter.  So be it.  Pro points:  The rally started ON TIME.  We were told that it would start at 6PM;
 my parents ( active supporters of the Bro.  Eddie ticket -  yes,  he really * is*
 called Brother Eddie)  insisted that we leave the house by 4PM.  ( This is one of my sister's and my pet peeves:  that our parents always,  ALWAYS leave for their appointments ridiculously early,
 in a region that does not take punctuality seriously.  It is very annoying to arrive at a venue at least thirty minutes before the appointed time,  only to find that the event will start at least two hours late.  At the last minute I decided not to bring a book,  because after all,  it would be my first time at a political rally and there would be better things to see.
 As it turns out,  at exactly 6PM -  by my watch!  -  the emcee picked up the mike and the program began.  It was exactly three hours.
 Again,  at precisely 9PM,  the whole thing ended.  Other pro points,  which count for less because punctuality in the Philippines makes me giddy:  No sexbomb entertainment,
 which means no scantily- clad girls shouting inane political catchphrases while waggling their booties at us.  ( Yes,  even if there are children in the audience.  Which is why the Janet scandal did not touch the Philippines in the least.
 The entertainment was QUALITY entertainment -  Kuh Ledesma was one of the emcees -  and all of them were there of their own volition ( read:  they were not paid)  There were no stupid political songs,
 although we had to suffer through a few renditions of the Bro.  Eddie theme song.  The ten- point program looked sound,  and the basic platforms of government being offered were well- thought-
out and logical.  Con points:  Well,  the campaign colors are particularly violent shades of yellow and green -  yes,  that's a bad thing,
 visually speaking,  since the shade of yellow they picked does * not*  suit Filipino skintones at all.  Which is to say that even if I do end up supporting Brother Eddie,  I will not be wearing his t-
shirt.  ( I will be wearing Lacson's,  because his color is red.  The premise of the campaign -  and indeed,
 of Villanueva's reason for running -  still seems incredibly naive to me.  Apparently he ran because he saw no viable alternative for the country,  and therefore offered himself up.  I do not doubt his sincerity -  I do not doubt he wants to do a better job.
 However,  translating that sincerity and passion into actual policies -  will his motives prevail,  or will he be unwittingly led astray by the power grabbers,  seekers,  and manipulators that will inevitably litter his path?
 He is also surrounded by good- hearted but equally naive people like my father.  Watching them campaign and plan and strategize is like watching a kitten toddle into a den full of hungry lions.  I fear for them.  The official campaign period is in full swing -  and when I say that,
 I am picturing monkeys and all manner of wild animals dangling from the chandeliers,  bouncing off the walls,  cartwheeling across the linoleum.  In short,  I am visualizing pure chaos,  a literal mad carnival.
 I've already recounted Villanueva's campaign,  now as for the rest:  >  Arroyo and her incredibly arrogant running mate Noli de Castro ( a popular newscaster who thinks he is God's gift to the political landscape)  kicked off their campaigns in the highlands,
 due to a superstitious belief that they will be able to conquer all the areas they can gaze down upon.  Arroyo made cracks about her diminutive size,  somehow relating her dwarfishness to the oppressed lives of the poor;  de Castro smiled and made much of his provincial beginnings.  Apparently,  he came out to the big bad city as a naive farmboy with holes in his clothes and nothing but flipflops on his feet.
 Naturally,  he did not mention the big expensive bash he threw recently for his adopted daughter's wedding,  at a pricey garden venue inside Quezon City.  >  Roco,  in traditional floral shirt,
 went to Cardinal Sin's house for a mass,  accompanied by his running mates,  his wife,  and his mommy.  He avoided the current Manila archbishop's house -  not because said archbishop has openly refused to endorse any candidates,
 he said,  but because he didn't want the visit to be construed as " political"  Instead he goes to the more politically- inclined priest to hear mass,  and from there proceeded to Bicol,
 the province in which he has the strongest support.  He toured elementary schools,  signed autographs for teachers ( who will be the vote- counters this May)  and had the traditional "
simple meal"  ( rice with fish,  eaten with bare hands -  considered a poor person's meal,  here in the Philippines)
 complete with media coverage.  Before you ask,  that still does not make him a traditional politician because he too was one of those poor little farmboys who got sent to the big bad city to make good.  One day I will make a sign that says " A traditional politician is what YOU are,  not who your parents were.
 Your father may have been illiterate and your mother a struggling schoolteacher,  but they are not the people we are voting into position.  >  Lacson,  in a red shirt,  travelled down the Diosdado Macapagal highway with a motorcade adorned with red-
and- white balloons.  He labelled the highway " the most expensive highway in the universe"  which immediately made me wonder if he had actually managed to obtain stats on highways that were built in Outer Reticula.  We should probably hire a Klingon to examine our construction budgets next time .
 but I digress.  He claimed he was doing something called " nontraditional campaigning"  which must have been the reason why there were absolutely no people flooding the streets to meet him.  The media followed him down a street as he walked and randomly shook hands with people,  all of whom looked more excited about being on television than meeting Lacson.
 Some looked slightly bewildered,  but I will not dwell on that.  I am sure the Filipino voting population is aware enough to recognize Lacson by face.  >  Eddie Gil!  Give me a moment while I try to stop laughing so hard .
 okay.  I cannot say anything about his campaign because I was too blinded by tears of laughter to watch.  For one thing,  his hair.  He claims that he is worth USD40 billion -  therefore he should be able to afford a better wig than the one he is wearing,
 or at least a very good hair weave!  On the other hand,  perhaps he idolizes Elvis Presley,  in which case I have no room to mock because in the past I too imitated the hairstyles of my favorite stars ( fortunately,  Lea Salonga is not given to outlandish coiffures)
 For another thing,  if he is worth that much he should at least be able to pay his campaign bills -  but no.  He was reduced to trying to sneak out of a hotel yesterday to avoid having to pay his bills,  but the kitchen staff detained him -  such an ignoble fate for a presidential candidate.
 This is the man,  note,  who promised that he would pay off the national debt with his personal funds.  He has supporters,  but do not be surprised because their sanity,  too,
 is questionable.  >  Poe,  as expected,  had a made- for-
TV program as his campaign offering.  This meant scantily clad girls ( although the President's rally had some sexy antics on stage as well -  although not by the President herself,  thank heaven)  comedians trying to be satirical by poking fun at the citizenship issue filed against Poe,
 various showbiz personalities testifying that he is a good person and has a sincere desire to help the country ( see my comments on sincerity above)  and his elegant wife eloquently pleading for the masses to give her husband a chance to work his mojo on the much- begrimed state of the nation.  Poe then gave a 12- minute speech,
 during which he did much lambasting of the current situation,  but did not give much insight into how exactly he planned to change it.  There were a few vague catchwords thrown about,  such as 'renewal of the tax system to improve revenue collection',  if I remember correctly,  but as I said,
 nothing specific.  Rumor has it that to all media questions regarding his political/ economic platforms,  Poe answered " No comment"  I strongly suspect that Poe sees himself as the Enigmatic President -
 the one who remains mysteriously silent in the background and occasionally emerges to pronounce the Final Edict,  which will naturally silence all squabblers and dissenters because Poe is Always Right.  This is a role he specializes in playing,  both in reel and real life -  well,  in the showbiz realm,
 at least.  How do you explain to a high school dropout that you cannot dichotomize so easily in the political arena?  How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?  -  -  -
 To Loren Legarda:  when General Victor Corpus labelled you a " political prostitute"  he was referring to your penchant to switch political parties and affiliations at the drop of a hat.  Remember,  you wept with bitter disappointment at Estrada's impeachment trial because you felt that he was being shielded from the full weight of judicial consequences,
 and that justice was not being properly apportioned.  You won the nation with your tears,  then.  Yet now you are running as the vice presidential candidate of a man who is Estrada's best friend,  and having cozy little lunches with pro- Estrada groups in an effort to win them over.
 You are no better than the candidates who do the lambada,  sing,  take part in gameshows,  and have photo ops taken with previously bitter rivals,  all in the name of political one- up-
manship.  You have sold your ideals and your principles for popularity.  What is that but prostitution?  In other words -  Corpus was referring to your political leanings,  not your morality and chastity,
 you stupid,  silly,  overwrought woman.  Grr argh,  if you were going to get indignant about name- calling,
 you might as well have gotten the spirit of the insult right.  -  -  -  I fear for my country.  And,
 er,  no,  I haven't gotten around to writing the Mindanao post yet.  Gomen !
