  The longer you live the more confusing life gets! ok, so it seems that the farther along in life i go, the more complex my problems are, i mean, don't u remember how simple things used to be when the reasons you cried were because you couldn't reach the counter! THOSE WERE THE DAYS! i mean, sure life's hard for you at every level, but ur problems rn't catastrophic to your well-being! nehow, i always seem to talk about my horrendous problems (like my spelling problem for instance! ) but truthfully life's not that bad. i mean, sure my rents wanna send me in for counseling (turns out i'm "hostile" toward people!
who knew? ) and my friends r ultra-gossipy and turning on eachother (and me! ) ok, and so no guy that i've come in contact with (with the exception of crazy jr. d and those that live hours away) want anything romantically to do w/me, o ya, and i did i mention i have a low self-esteem? wutev...besides all that! i'm fine, things rn't horrible, i have a family, i have friends, i mean, i'm living and living well! so y am i always complaining? i blame things on everyone,but me! and i really should realize that i screw myself over sooo much more! i mean, i don't do anything good for myself, everything i do, is generally wrong, and i mess up more times a day (at everything) than i can count! but that's just me, and i've learned to except me, and i've learned to let it go! this year's been a really "growing" year for me, i've found out a lot of things about myself and about others, and about me and others lol! but really i've learned so much it's great! but it seems to me that the more i know the less i want to remember, i'd rather be naive and as bad as that sounds it's true...the ol' youth group joke about my gullablness, is "she's not gullable!
just trusting! " and it's true, i have a ton of trust for people! and for everything in life, i just generally feel that things will work out and people r good inside and out and they rn't out to get me, but lately i've been feeling really mad all the time, and i don't like it! i've been gossiping and i've been insulting people (not to their face, but still...) i mean, i didn't use to be like this, and it's not as if all of it's bad even! i mean lace'll always be proud of her hand in my corruption, and i don't mind that they've ceased to call me "good little christian girl" but in a way i feel that i've strayed from my standards and that's not good!
i don't know i don't know i don't know! (i say that WAY too much! ) if i knew i'd tell you, i'd tell all of you, i'd share it with the world and beyond, but i DON'T know, and i may never know anything, while also knowing everything (it's a complicated emotion! ) anyhow.....i'm just GRRRRR!!! with life right now, mainly cuz i don't have anyone to vent to, because venting requires sharing y i'm venting, and there's so many things!
i just can't get it all in, and i don't like to talk badly about things and people, so it doesn't work, and that's y i'm typing a zillion words a minute trying to get my point across when i dont' even know wut it is!! I'M LOSING MY MIND!! wutev, i gotta go make a phone call, peace, love, word, wutev, changedfish p.s. finding nemo ey? i know nemo! don't worry about it i'm ov (that's my lil' insider story for the day!
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