  Hello all and long time no see, eh? I have been remiss in my posting of late and am feeling crappy about it, but I just won't have time today to do more than be a big fat cheater ... once again. So I'm really , really sorry and I will try to improve tomorrow, but for today, this is it. I decided to post a few of my favourite Mark Twain quotes (which, by the way, is what makes me a B.F.C.
), not only because it's quicker and easier than thinking and writing for myself, but also because I have been subjected to more political correctness today than any one sane person should have to endure. Which made me think of Mark Twain. Because hey baby, he said it like it was. He called 'em as he saw 'em. And that, my friends, is so utterly refreshing in these days of double-talk and tripping over your tongue to phrase everything as blandly as possible so as not to offend anyone.
So I'm warning you, if you are P.C. in the slightest don't read one more word. If you're not, let's go ... Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him. I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language. It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress. It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation.
They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry. Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people. See you tomorrow all! 
