  Neighborhood Watch Meeting Taking a page from urlLink Rob's book, I will only give you the teaser and then you'll have to read the rest wherever I get it published.
I attended a meeting for my apartment complex last night at 8 PM. This is what I learned: *Never attend something just for the cookies and Diet Coke. It will not be worth it. *Don't wear a semi-suggestive top to said meeting. The men residents of your complex will ogle you needlessly. I think some of them have mental deficiencies. It's like the bill board I see en route to my dad's farm warning about the dangers of brain damage.
For the record, I have never doubted the existence of brain damage. *Don't ask the above men to quit calling you a looney bin or supporter of Big Brother merely because you're trying to hear what the police officer is saying about keeping your neighborhood safe. *Scary man will follow you home from the meeting, careful to walk parallel to you across the street, screaming: "YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS? " Um, no. I do not. *You will then interrupt the meeting you just left early because a woman is now following PIECE-OF-ME MAN and screaming at him: "I HAVE A PIECE FOR YOU.
INSERT EXPLETIVE. BLANKETY, BLANKETY, BLANK. SOME INCESSANT BEEPING. BLANK. " *The police officer will use you as an example of how communities have to patrol their own communities when you insist you don't want to press charges, you simply yelled HELP! because you were afraid the man and woman walking parallel to you were going to get into it. *The police officer will look at your cleavage.
You will remember to buy more undershirts. You will try to insist that you can walk across the street alone to go home, but the officer will insist on walking you so he may tell you he pulled a dead body *ONCE* from your apartment complex. *You will have nightmares about this Neighborhood Watch Meeting and remember that silence is sometimes golden. You, my friend, are pyrite - fool's gold. And you just don't know how and when to keep your mouth shut. 
