  Cyberspace seems to have eaten my last post, for as soon as I posted it, it disappeared. I shall try to recreate it as best I can, though I'm sure something entirely different will be put forth instead... I have had a remarkably lazy day. Nothing has been accomplished. Mostly I've just eaten a lot. I really should stop eating.
My mother, who is at least five inches taller than me, now weighs less than I do, wears small clothes than me...you get the picture. It's borders on shameful. But what do I do: I keep right on eating. And then there's my sister and her boyfriend. I have never been fond of change, especially the type that feel so permanent, and that is how this feels. She told me they are getting married.
Not anytime soon, but still. It got me thinking. I am the one mature enough to handle such an undertaking, such a relationship, and yet I remain worthlessly and hopelessly alone. But it isn't jealously that I feel. It's anger. Change is bad.
This is probably why I cling so desperately to my conservatism; contrary to the old adage, change is not always good, and is quite potentially disastrous. Suddenly, everything is different. People you thought you knew become inseparable from people you don't know or don't care to know. They put up a wall, that no one can reach over. There's a door, but only one person has the key, and it isn't you. They don't understand your upset and confusion, for they are in love.
And when they say "We'll do something soon," they mean you, them, and some other entity, for great lovers must never be apart. And you bite your tongue, and you want to scream, because something isn't right, this isn't right. It's a mistake and it isn't fair and you just want to bang heads together. Perhaps it is jealousy after all. 
