  Because I am me, I like to keep this relationship on its toes. I mean, I can't let crankypants kick back and assume that everything is okay all the time, even though it pretty much is 85% of the time. Oh no. What would be the fun in that? I mean, I'd get bored. So I like to see how far I can drive crankypants to the edge, without quite pushing him over.
I don't do anything mean, necessarily. I just subject him to lots of excited squealing every time I see urlLink http://www.moonlightkennels.com/idsearch.asp?ID=01MT100">cute white fluffy dogs or adorable children. Or I make him see movies, like urlLink Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! and urlLink L'Auberge Espagnole , which are markedly without much intellectual stimulation and feature some overdone cheesy plot. Or I whine about how hungry I am, or how I didn't get enough sleep. Or I beat the pants off him at Scrabble, causing him to declare the game closed even though I have plenty of usuable tiles, because I'm creaming him by 60 points.
Then there was the entire urlLink cuddleparty thing , which unfortunately fell through. You know, stuff along rather innocuous lines. Ah, but I've come up with something better now. You see, we don't really have a specific day picked out for our anniversary. It's a rather complicated story - we dated the summer, starting that June , after our junior year of college, didn't see each other for nearly an entire year (hey - it was just a summer fling) until he came to visit April of senior year. Then we happened to both be in LA that following June , and have been dating since then.
The first time I brought up our lack of specific anniversary date was last year, as we were approaching one year. You don't understand what a milestone this was for me. Hell, I'd never even made it more than a month being completely faithful to someone. Back to my point. I posed this question to him, and he responded, blithely and clueless as ever, "May? I think May?
What do you think? " I had one problem with this - as I emphasized two paragraphs above, we started dating both times in June . Not May. As a matter of fact, May was the latter part of my slutty phase of college, but I couldn't really tell him, "Well, May doesn't really work for me because there were at least 3 other guys that month. " There are some things one's boyfriend doesn't really need to know. Hey, I would have even bought April, as we saw each other again that month.
So I (very patiently) explained that May Just Would Not Do, since we'd never even saw each other in the month of May before. Apparently a mutual friend even told him the error of his ways. And I thought that that was that. Problem solved. Well, except for the fact that he gave me this fuzzy elephant photo album purchased at urlLink Pottery Barn Kids as some sort of half-assed anniversary present. Yes, I love that store, but I also love urlLink Barneys and urlLink Cartier , and the latter two would have been so much more up my alley.
Thankfully, I was drunk off my gourd when he gave me the photo album, so the excited squealing came easier. Then last month, while we were in New York, one of his friends asked us when our anniversary was. Did he say June? Oh no. He said APRIL. I was flummoxed!
Didn't we already go over this? And at least if he's gonna mess up, he should be consistent. Of course I corrected him. And he said, "Well, it's definitely early June then," but still, no date was specified. So, the test is this: I'm not going to mention our anniversary this month. I'm going to see if he remembers on his own.
And come July 1, because believe me, he's not going to remember it, I'll throw a nice and proper fit. Sure, this means that I potentially sacrifice whatever present he could have bought for me. (He has since improved - slowly - in that department. ) But hey, at least then I don't have to figure out what to get him, the guy who has everything. And sure, call me an evil scheming manipulative passive-aggressive wench. That's fine.
He deserves it for continually forgetting. I'm giving him a whole month - not even narrowing it down to a particular day. So as I see it, he has 30 chances to figure it out. And 30 chances to mess up. Mm, I can't wait for the much-beleaguered look I get to give him come July. 
