  Senior year of college, my friend Alissa and I came up with this "game" (and I use the term loosely) where we would determine what our friends' real ages were. Okay, it's hard explaining, so I will give some examples. It doesn't make as much sense if you don't know these people, I know, but you can get the general idea. *Alison was one because she wanted to be carried around all the time. *Julie and Karina were 4, and they wore frilly party dresses with big fat ribbons in their hair. *Alissa was 5 so she could play in the dirt during recess. *Becca, who talked incessantly about sex, was 18 because... well, she couldn't be any younger. *Amanda, who hated it when we started playing this game, was 21, because she didn't understand the point since she was always too literal and because it annoyed her that she didn't get to be any younger, heehee.
Alissa and I could go on for ages talking about this. And no, we weren't drunk or high or in any other altered state of consciousness. I don't know, blame it on senior spring. But I know that you're dying to know how old I was. Why, three! And very often, I do think that I am a 3-year-old. Here are some reasons why: My most favourite foods (after confit de canard, of course) are chicken nuggets, french fries and macaroni and cheese. Even though I go to fancy-dancy restaurants all the time, you could place those three food items in front of me at any point and I'll find room for them in my stomach.
I could eat these three things almost every day for the rest of my life and I'd be happy. Fat and on the quick road to heart failure, but happy. Related to the above, one of my favourite indulgences is a 4-piece Chicken McNugget happy meal from McDonalds. The toy is the coolest ever. And I get my McNuggets and fries. But most of all, I get a new toy. I just got this awesome skateboarding one that does tricks. It's the best. If I pout long enough, I always get what I want.
This has always worked in the past. I can get people to happily do things for me. Like washing my dishes. Or washing my laundry and folding it neatly and placing it in piles atop my bed. Or driving me around. Or making photocopies and sending faxes for me. Etcetc. And this isn't just with my parents, but extends to friends and people I work with.
It must be because I bring out the caretaker in people. You know, like cute little children do. I relate amazingly well to 3-year-olds. It's as if I were one of them. Some of my favourite all-time shows are cartoons like the Powerpuff Girls , the old school Scooby Doo cartoons (pre-Scrappy, of course) and the Smurfs . Remember the Smurfs? Miss the Smurfs? If you do, be jealous - when I was little my father taped a whole bunch of shows for me, so now I can watch them anytime I want - which is usually when I'm hungover and all I want to do is lie in bed with a plate of scrambled eggs and watch cartoons.
Wow, if you didn't know me, you'd think I was an extremely spoiled only child. Or at least a younger child. But I'm not, I'm the eldest of two. It's all about living in the bubble of denial. That's how you keep this mentality. So how old are you, and why? 
