  There is one thing that every great tale has in common. Man triumphing over adversity(or woman triumphing over adversity, fuckin feminazis). Keeping that in mind, I invite you to read the following tale. As Mike crawled down from the attic, he had determined that the box which contained his surfing shoes must be out in the shed.
He had to have his surfing shoes seeing as he was going to Los Angeles the next day, and the water on the west coast is always colder than that on the east coast. Mike gathered the supplies which he would need, a flashlight, a box cutter, and the phone in case someone called while he was outside.
He donned his long sweats to protect him from nasty insects, and went out the back door. Unfortuately Mike's door takes it up the butt. It's a door that can be opened from the inside without being unlocked. How gay. So, Mike went rummaging through the shed for his surfing shoes, and came up with nothing. As he returned to the house, the doorknob would not turn. Staying calm, Mike went around to the front door, but alas, it was locked as well.
At this point, the enormity of the situation hit him like a wet salmon. His family was out of town for the next week, he was in the middle of packing for his trip, locked out of his house with no keys to anything save the shed. At this point, the average man(or woman, fucking feminazis) would lose his(or her, fucking feminazis) cool, would flip out.
Not Mike. Mike kept his cool and went around to the back door to survey his situation. He could potentially break a window with his Mag-Lite, but he didn't really want to do that. The phone couldn't really help him. But there was the knife. Immediately having an idea, Mike went back to the shed to procure a paint scraper, a decently long, very skinny piece of metal. Returning to the house, Mike found what he needed to see. A window where the storm window had been left open, and only the actual window and the screen blocked his path. Using the boxcutter, Mike slashed through the screen. He then jammed the paint scraper up in between the inner and outer part ot the window. Upon getting the scraper in, he began to pound it sideways so as to unlatch the window, which it did.
Mike then crawled through the window, back into his house, like the smart motherfucker that he is. 
