  Kerry-Edwards: urlLink Sometimes, it's just meant to be. Last night I met up with Sara, her girlfriend (Melissa) and a few other people I didn't know at Hamburger Mary's in Hilllcrest. Which is homosexual central, for those of you unfamiliar with San Diego. I was waiting in the parking lot for Sara, since all I had was a $20 and it was $10 for parking (christ). In that span of time, a bum managed to yell, "A skirt... I LOVE IT! " to me, and someone asked me if I sold weed. Do I look like I sell weed? Apparently, I might. I ended up drinking too much, and not being much of a conversationalist; although Melissa really seemed to want to talk to me, since she had heard so much about me. Too bad I was fucktarded the entire night. Leanna came, she's adorable. She told me she would only come if I told her what I was wearing.
Then she tried to sit as close to me as possible, so that "people might think we are together. " The best part of the night is as follows: Leanna: "Sara, how did you tell Melissa you loved her for the first time? ": Sara: "I wrote it in the fog on the windshield one night. " Me: "Awwww. " Sara: "...while we were FUCKING! " I believe Melissa was in the bathroom at that point, I don't think that would have gone over so well. There was also a lovely male couple sitting across from us who were having the most boring date I have ever had to watch.
They were both just staring around the place. I don't think I heard them say a word to each other the entire time. I also had to stop by Stan's to pick up an "herbal" purchase. I made him watch more Celebrity Jeopardy, and also probably managed to offend Ed multiple times, as always. I do love that I was there for what is quite possibly one of the best "Ed" moments of all time, Stan and I discussed this the other night. Ed (who sounds like the dad on the King of the Hill, exactly): "Yeah, last night I gave my girlfriend 57 orgasms. " Me: "Oh, really? How did you manage that? " Ed: "I dunno man, she just kept coming. " Me: "Interesting.
Ed, do you know where the clitoris is? " Ed: "Yeah. " Me: "Ed, where do girls pee from? " Ed: "Uh...The clitoris, right? " *everyone within a 5 mile radius bursts into laughter* Me: "How on earth would a girl pee from her clitoris? " Ed: "Well, they call it the little penis, and guys pee out of their penis and...fuck, I don't know...shut the fuck up, you guys" *Ed storms out of the room* I also got laughed at in a big, big way last night driving home.
I was semi-stoned, and listening to Outkast's "Prototype" on full blast, singing along on the top of my lungs and making hand gestures and everything. I didn't realize that the car full of 20-something males next to me was getting the show of their lives. Then I was thinking, "Hey, where is that laughter coming from? " looked over, and saw the band of brothers having a good chuckle. Oh my. 
