  Ever watched the late show when Paul Schaffer starts singing some bluesy song and then a celebrity comes out and puts a cape on him...a la James Brown? Well, it was a great segment, a really fucking great segment. It's gone now though, they did it 65 times. I loved it. Well, I found out what song they play and what Paul sings. It's a song by Blood, Sweat, and Tears called "I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know," and it's amazing.
I bought it off of iTunes...it needs more screaming at the end. But yes, go get that now. I was just remarking to a friend of mine (over the internet, interestingly enough) about my latest good idea. I want to find out my own personal nutritional data. You know, how many carbs, grams of protein, calories, etc, that are stored in my body. Then, I want to make a chart, like the ones you see on backs of food items, and put it on a shirt, and wear it from time to time.
It would be a perfect way to judge me in the scope of the national food standards. I'd have a food pyramid graphic and everything!! how cool!! The only dilemma is: how many servings am I? Maybe I'll have to think in terms of dinosaur bites. I think 2.5 is a good number, we'll stick to that.
Do I have to make different t-shirts for different animals that could possibly eat me? If I did, the most entertaining one would definitely be for a single-celled organism. It would be something like this: Servings available: 80 billion Calories per serving: .000000000002 Grams of protein: .0000000000008988 g etc... Oh, to think of the many ways I can get eaten. Maybe I'll do what fast-food places do and post my stats raw and cooked. but it would be rather difficult to find out what my percentages are while I'm cooked...that could terminate this venture. Well, it's all very fun to think about now and then, I suppose.
I can guarantee on the label it would say something that the lawyers forced on the manufacturer such as: "May contain chunks of almonds or walnuts" It would be more appropriate to say something like "May contain cancer" or "Might be tattooed" Those would only be applicable to human beings, of course. Really, cannibalism is not a viable option in today's agricultural industry, so many labels to print, so many lawyers to hire. Oh well. We can dream though. 
