  It's the middle of the night, and I should be in my bed curled up, reading. Instead, I am sitting in my brother's room, in the dark, on the computer, completely weirded out by the fact that I have gone on for a day without talking to Efrain for the first time since Mid-Winter. Strange, isn't it? How he has slowly taken over my life. After last night's fiasco, I didn't know what to expect. I miss this-us.
Already, it's falling apart. It's called a sigh. It's called a heart breaking moment, life changing even. Why bother? Why? Because I take full responsibility for my actions?
Or that fact that I am bothered by the fact he doesn't care? Or maybe I spent 20 minutes out in the rain complentating over that fact that I love him? I'm not sure exactly, but I can't feel anymore. Happiness is officially off the market for me. How can you say you can feel something that's not there? How can you act like you know what it means?
Why does it matter? To seek happiness is to seek the impossible. I gave up on that a long time ago. At times, I have spurts of happiness, which completely throws me off. However, it never seems to stay long enough for me to truly enjoy it. Philosphy.
Dignity. Compassion. These things are who I am, and what I stand for. The reason I am the way I am is because I care. Not just care for myself, and loved ones, but I care for everything. I lie when I say I don't.
My thoughts and opinions, they must need to be held back. Otherwise, I tend to lash out at others. I need him. I do. The sad thing is I'm actually going to cry now, and I haven't shed a tear since two years ago, since Rory came and went. And maybe, you're gonna be the one who saves me After all, you're my wonderwall. 
