  Tonight I was having a discussion with my mom, about my cancer... The thing is, I'm going to see an homeopath on Saturday, for some physical problems, as well as anxiety troubles. I'm always been prone to anxiety attacks (seems after reading some of your blogs, I'm not the only one either!). And well, I'm sick of being so anxious all the time, I've decided it was time to do something. So I'll start with homeopathy; something natural... On the phone today, my homeopath was asking me some questions about cancer.
If I had chemio or radiotherapy, why it took 3 months between the moment I was diagnosed and the moment I had surgery. She was also asking me if my mom had to go through intense emotions while she was pregnant with me, etc. Turns out that the one intense emotion she went through while she was pregnant was this: my parents had a couple of friends who had a 3-year old daughter, named Julie. She died from cancer, while my mom was pregnant with me. My parents thought she was so cute and so courageous, they decided to name me after her. Little did they know, I was gonna develop that same cancer 4 months later! I had always known about that story... but the last time I heard it was such a long time ago, I wasn't even sure anymore if I made it up or if it was real. Turns out it is real! Crazy, eh?! But I forgot my train of thought. Why is my mom my new hero?
Because of all the rest! Turns out that it took 3 months before I had my surgery because most people involved in my file were against the idea of operating. They thought I was too screwed up already, that I had no chance and that they should just try chemio and radio, see if that worked. Otherwise, they would just let me go. Well they did that for 6 weeks. Without telling my parents once that they thought I had no chance of surviving: they found out 3 years later what the doctors really thought back then. Radio and chemio didn't work. One day, my mom got mad. I was terribly sick, so she took me, put me in the doctor's arms and said "Do something. I don't know what, but you have to do something . " Two days later, they were operating. After my surgery, they told my parents that if I would survive, I would never walk.
Nine months later, I started walking. Today, some people never notice I'm wearing a leg brace. When telling me this story, my mom made me cry. Not because it's my story. I don't remember any of it. Not consciously, at least. Some of it probably still is in my memory, somewhere. But I don't remember remembering it. So I cried, but only because it's such a sad story and my parents were so strong. The doctors wanted to let me die because they thought I didn't have a chance, but my parents said "No way, you HAVE to do something" . I can't image going through something like this, ever. My mom said that honestly, you don't have time to stop and cry.
You just do what you gotta do, because you have no choice. But while she was telling me that, her eyes were filled with water. I've always admired my mom. She has been through a LOT, without ever complaining, and always trying to make everyone happy. The woman would have all the reasons in the world to be bitter today. But she's not. And well, I still live with her.
But we're two adults now (for a total of 5 adults in the house right now), and so we don't always agree and I wish I didn't have to live with her on a daily basis. So yeah, she gets on my nerves sometimes. But tonight I realized just how much she has always been committed to making our lives easier, and making them happy. Or, in my case, just making my life happen . Tonight, I thanked her for doing all this for me, and hugged her. She is so amazing. And I've decided I can't live my life being anxious all the time. That's not what she fought so hard, without hesitating, for.
I owe it to her to learn to completely enjoy my life and not be afraid. And that's what I'm gonna do. One more thing: if one of your children ever gets sick, do whatever you have to do to save them. Don't listen to a doctor who'll tell you that there isn't anything to do. The truth is they don't know . Miracles do happen. You have to at least try . 
