  This is fact not fiction for the first time in years All the girls in every girlie magazine can't make me feel any less alone, I'm reaching for the phone to call at 7:03 and on your machine, I slur a plea for you to come home. But I know it's too late, and I should have given you a reason to stay Given you a reason to stay Death Cab is awesome, and you know it. Finished the review section in bio. Don't know if I want to go ahead and do labs today or go back to the beginning in review and start over, because that's just my way of doing things. But I'm satisfied right now, really. Finishing! I never thought it would happen, and now the bio AP seems less of a menace. But then again I've been listening to Outkast and then Death Cab for...three hours straight. I guess you guys are right about getting B's. I'm really not planning to lecture the little kid, but to the way I perceive things (warped, of course) it's not the way to go. But then again that alerts me to how isolated I am from the normal majority of this population. I really don't mind. I just have to keep that in consideration when I pass judgments. But we're all going to be ok, really.
As much of an agnostic I am, I would like to hope there's some divine force out there that punishes the unpunished, that fulfilles the ultimate desires of us all. We as a society just think success in terms of money and genius and (feigned) happiness. I've met a few people in my life who plan to defy that.
Religion is for the weak. I don't mean that in a bad way, but from just observing my own behavior I'll pray when I really need an extra crutch--unusual, since I don't go to church anymore. Church was a weird experiment. I only went because Mom and Grandma went. In Sunday School, we accumulated attendance points. And when Mom and Grandma decided not to go regularly, my attendance similarly faltered and I didn't earn as many points as I should have. (That's also my first memory of Derek Hsu, incidentally--he went to the same Sunday School as I did, though he probably doesn't remember anymore. ) And then one day, I just decided that I was going to church for all the wrong reasons--to accumulate attendance points.
It's a funny lesson in spirituality. I still have my Bible and my bookmarks. Biblical knowledge, funny enough, helps me in English 11AP. I'm not so much afflicted with pangs of conscience when my morality fails me. It's simply a source of comfort. I remember praying before I went to bed the night before piano competitions. Praying for sick people, or people who passed away. In a sense, my hypocritical, agnostic prayers serve the same purpose as this journal does, for emotional support.
Secret, though. Austin's going to private school next year. He's going to become a Viewpoint Patriot. Just the mascot Patriot makes me think of traditional Anglo-Saxon, East Coast values for some reason. I'll crack up if they have to wear navy blue blazers, striped ties and a handkerchief in the breast pocket. Hopefully, it'll do him some good. I hope he'll be happy, though. I often wonder what would've happened to me had I gone to Viewpoint too, but as a sophomore.
I certainly wouldn't have adjusted very well. I wouldn't have journalism or mock trial or any of these wonderful people out there. If Austin becomes a snob and I find him driving a BMW or an Audi when I come home from college, I'm just going to realize that the system has failed us. Have to go pick up Austin, none other. 
