  i'm still tired. not from not sleeping. i feel like my body is dying on me. giving up. stopping. it's hard to move. it's hard to get up. i don't want to eat. that really isn't like me. i know i need to be eating more. i forced myself to eat all these steamed veggies when i got home. it doesn't make sense that i can't eat but i feel huge. i think it's that i can't eat so i don't have enough energy to work out the way i usually do, and so then everything i do eat goes to the hips. or the less protein has made all muscle mass decay into the ghost of fernando past. and it's hard to feel good and to go out and have fun when it's so hard just to laugh.
hedish making effort to laugh? that's just not right... i'm just so tired. :( i'm obessing. stop it stop it stop it. sorry i just don't feel well today. 
