  jen and andrea left me an unusually cruel note in my locker. i mean..i know it was jokingly...but it seemed so mean....tasteless... god. and i showed rina..afterwards she was like 'and these are the people you choose to hang out with? ' i hung my head..... ill type it here i guess. even tho it shows me as pathetic. " HI MY NAME IS ALEX... I smoke!...one puff I drink!...not even a sip! AND I PIERCE MYSELF...only half-way- and I screamed like a womanly little boy, and actually jen did it...im too much of a pussie to do it myself.
...and I flail my hands in the air at the taste of vodka, and act drunk after one sip. Also...I"M THIRTEEN EEW " I laughed the first time i read it..and I still sort of laugh..but at the same time...... I think no. I dont need this. But...it doesnt matter anymore. theyll be gone in one week. one hellish stressful week. rinas mad at me....i, in turn, want her. I want her badly. i think about just randomly kissing her when we're joking about flirting....always thinking about her....... i wrote in my lj about her without using her name..look: "And I want to be with you. I want to sit in a little forest and watch river go by for hours...to just think...to be silent with you...just to hold you there, to have you there....for you to love me......for you to keep me......... and i know u really care...but i cant break off.
I cant do it. im too weak. I feel so guilty, and so depressed, and yet so....excited when im there. take me away? Please kidnap me amount negotiable(taken from aisha)" the rest is incredibly depressing. i hope it scares school people. the background is also real depressing. haha. id rather explain whats wrong here than there.
:) this week is so stressful. a test on friday that even AMANDA isnt ready for(in math) and a bio quiz that day too... im looking forward to making up english story tomorrow. i love the feeling of making up this other life, this other identity. one that gives me reason for sadness. i read the story and it makes me shiver. i want to write part time or something when im older. waiting for aisha to come back much LOVE peace ~alex 
