  Backstory to the Brush-off Brr. HVAC still not fixed in the lab. So our lab flooded again today. So we had water everywhere. It even came in through the sprinkler, which set off the fire alarm, which called not one, but THREE ladder trucks from the Columbus City Fire Department to our building. Mind you, I'm a fan of a guy in uniform, but when he's carrying a big fire ax and telling me to get out of the building, it's a little disconcerting. And having to evacuate TWICE because we came out and went back in, before the firemen turned off the alarm, and then had to come back OUT when they showed up.
Very distracting, not conducive to work at all. Speaking of which, I'm in the lab late again today. Of course, that is what happens when I stop for lunch and an appointment before 5 PM. So I'm staying late to compensate. Plus, I can't go a day without getting at least a small thing done, even if it is just a maxi prep. I should post grades for my students as well, which I think will take off some pressure when I have more papers to grade and more grades to post tomorrow.
And more reading. Sometimes, the bulk of the "THINGS TO DO" pile gets incredibly overwhelming...but then I remind myself to make a list, take baby steps, and it will all get done and I can cross things off the list as they disappear into the past. I've reverted back to cocoon-mode. That or the Super Flirt butterfly died. I hate to think of myself as dead, especially if I'm a butterfly. So I think we shall just say I've gone into hibernation. Partially, I'm just being stubborn. All of a sudden, every one of my friends has decided NOW is the time to fight cabin fever... so it's non-stop "let's go do this," "let's go do that.
" Not that I mind. I actually like not being the social director. And it is nice to be included all the time (versus the social outcast I was at my high school). But it seems like the more they call, the more they ask me to do stuff, the more I just want to sit at home. Remember that "I don't wanna do what you want me do" attitude from age 7? Mine is coming back to the surface. That initial experience of the phase was pretty short for me, after coming to the realization that sitting in my closet pouting wasn't going to make my parents allow me to do what I wanted to do.
So it's back now, because I have control over where I go, what I do, and who I hang out with. I can now actually accomplish something by being stubborn and stupid and just going against the grain. Of course, I'm not really accomplishing anything but isolating myself by giving excuses to those party people who, for some reason I will never understand, keep calling me.
So the real question is, why do I still not want to go out all the time? That my friends, I'm working on figuring out. And I'm getting closer to the answer. But at least for now, I think that answer is between me and my brain. So to use a cliche... "just rest assured, it's not you... it's me.
" 
