  hm. so here's the dilemma ... i just got off the phone with the girlfriend and she informed me that we were invited to her ex's graduation reception at her house. now, i'm cool and all with the chick, we're not homies or anything, but she's never given me grief, so i have no problems with the girl whatsoever.
thing is, i'm with jes now, and this chick is "the ex" in her life (the others sort of serve as a backdrop as far as her relationships are concerned), and i think it'd just be weird being there, at her house, with a girl that used to be hers. maybe it'd be okay if we hung out on occasion but NO we don't and this is completely out of no where, but i really don't think i'd mind if that were the case...OR...if there were going to be mutual friends there or some shit, you know??? am i trippin? i mean, i really do hate when i get insecure (funny cuz jes and i were just talking about this), and to break away from old bad habits, i think twice and then some before i get upset or mad or what have you, but... blaaaaah. and then if and when she goes by herself will i feel a little uncomfortable? of course. how about if she doesn't go, would i, knowing full well that she wanted to, feel guilty and then upset with myself? geez, probably. it's a lose-lose situation, huh? ...one of those, get-over-it, you're-not-going-to-win type of dealies? gosh. i really don't want to give her a hard time about this (i know you're reading this, so i really don't want to give you a hard time about this), but i'm only human and i can't stop these stupid emotions from getting the best of me sometimes. i don't know, call it insecurities, call it over-reacting, call it emotional bullshit; whatever it is, i feel it and i can't seem to get past it, not right now anyway.
and i have so much pride that i hinted that i don't want to see her tonight because of this stupid ish, all because i got hurt, and dammit i hate getting hurt!!! ...lol. don't get me wrong, i've got a high tolerance for pain--hi, i've got piercings galore--but physical pain is freakin cake, it's the other shit i can't hang with.
blah, and anyway, i know and she knows (i know she knows) that not seeing her is the last thing i'd ever want. so stupid. relationship worries. haha shit, this is the part where i just gotta laugh because this is just a reality check--a reminder that nothing's perfect (no matter how perfect it seems) and nothing is too good to be true. naive . i forget that sometimes... BLAH! this is retarded. i think i'm being retarded, well part of me thinks i'm justified, but since i'm bitchin like a sensitive biatch, i think i'm being retarded, lol.
man, i need hobbies, or i need to go out more or something. this petty stuff is fkn ridiculous. eh, but i'm not going to go for sure, i might just end up a party pooper like in-denial-mica (hahaha, sorry mica, but don't tell me you don't agree--you're a party pooper!). at least i know what i can't handle. i'll just grin and bear it when she goes... ps. sorry to the gf, but hey if you can't vent in a freakin journal, where can you vent?
i guess this is what happens when your 'available' friends are limited. and i apologize to my-kah if i insulted you, i'm feeling a little riled up... be scared...lol. >=O ::GRRR! :: 
