  You never listened And you'll never listen now You know what I'm about, but is that sufficient? Do you hear the words I say? It hurts when you talk that way. -"Come On" - Midtown Hi, my name is Nicole. And I'm an alcoholic. Yep, that's right sports fans. I'm an alcoholic. Some of you know, some of you don't. I'm not really ashamed of it you see. As I sit here with my rum and diet (only 66 calories) and my Midtown blasting I'm feeling great. I'm happy, I'm relaxed, I'm alone and I'm okay. I'm drowning out the depression, with only thoughts of punkrock dancing in my head. I've figured out why you keep me around. I'm what you dare not be. Shannon put it fantastically on Monday night, "you're always butting heads with the system.
You can't just go with the flow, you always have to challenge something. " Does that make life harder? Probably. I guess it would be easier to let the wave of society crash over me and just accept that deck of cards that I've been given to play with. But, but, but I don't wanna! Why should I have to give in to what other people think is right for me? I like being contrary. Even if I'm alone forever, even if I never find another soul who will accept me, I can't, won't do it. So you see, it's okay for me to say I like being a drunk. Not a drunk in the conventional "have you neglected work, family or other obligations for 2 or more days in a row due to drinking" drunk (some of you will definitely get that reference! ) but someone who is very okay to drink alone, during the day, before i go out or whatever. Shut up damn AA people. My weekend officially begins tonight. I have my Our House interview in the morning so it's not really party time yet but whatevs, I'm not going to work tomorrow so that's cool.
I just have so much shit to handle in my life right now. Today we were going to UV and talking about what we would be if our #1 plan didn't come thru. It was so funny cuz I'm thinking, "this is my #2 plan! " Hello, I wanted to marry into money and right now just be sipping martinis watching the pool boy bend over, very nice Damien! Eva! Can you get me another drink? Ah...those will be the days. Another realization I'm having.
I'm shallow and I'm okay with that. Well, not shallow but stuck-up. Everyone has been calling me stuck-up for years, my mom, Jenni, Ashley, Erin, everyone. But I'm always like "no". Whatever. I'm stuck-up and damn proud. What does that really mean except that I expect the best from situations and people? Is that really too much? I don't act like I'm too good I just want everyone to offer the best of themselves.
whatever.
Come on, let go of those affecations. 
