  Life is really starting to get to me, it's fucking hell. Every small thing doesn't make sense. How can i conseive of reality, everything looks so true, so real, except there is something missing. There is something missing from me. Something trying to get in, something I always seem to block. My mom is constantly pissed off at me, and most people are as they have someone to turn to, and I have no one. I am alone in my mind, friends will be there but it doesn;t matter, i'm alone in my mind, alone in the darkness, alone with the anger, alone with the impulse that drives me ever closer to self-destruction.
Pain doesn't seem to matter anymore to me. It;s something more real then anything else. I can count on pain to be there, when I can't count on others. I no longer or ever care that I go to college or die before I go, death is more real to me, simply stop exisiting. There is no place to go just cease to be. I have no raison d'etre and it will be that way for the rest of my life.
I see people all around me enjoying being, while the only thing I see of myself, is craving to end this enjoyment. I want to bring evil to the world, want to make everyone suffer the way I am suffering. FUCK YOU ALL! FUCK YOU ALL TO FUCKING HELL, FUCKING ASSHOLES! 
