  last week i decided that i need to stay at my own house-hah-er...! i mean.... mom and bills house again. i have been gradually coming to the point where i pretty much live at cory's for the past ??.... weeks (month's? ) and something about the luxury of, night after night, coming over and staying in a nice big house that is in no way mine, having half my wardrobe here, and the ability to walk in without knocking is giving me...flashbacks of my first year and all the lonely holiday months in NY. not that i feel anywhere near the kind of desperation, pressure, anxiety and undeserved guilt-(ahem) that was part of daily life then... but seems it left a, complex.
That experience, and that may be....ultimately good for me. anyways i don't want to annoy cory's parents retirement lifestyle and i don't want to take advantage of my moms generosity and i want very much to be more of a help to jill and her kids but i don't want to live there. what i need is...to move out on my own again. i feel the itch so bad. i'm supposed to be here saving money but i have been here since june and i am still where i was six months ago..always a few hundred dollars floating above breaking even of my expenses. hardly making progress towards college tuition and i can't figure out what the hell i would want to major in.
how does one come to figure that out? cause i give up. its changes every five minutes for me. if anyone has advice or opinion on that, please share. every time i get a bit more money i have more expenses to soak up any profit. ie.
my wisdom teeth. i might as well have the personal comfort and satisfaction of living on my own again. its hard but i know i can do it, i've done it before and this area is so inexpensive... if i was diligent about adhearing to a budget and kept two jobs i could do it easily. its tempting... i don't know. so much for my own computer. maybe i should keep things simple and settle for that instead.
but where would i keep it? exactly. i need my own place. anyways... whats going on... tonite we saw Kill bill vol2 ...very good. made good money at rubys last night. its a ridiculous place with a very immature staff-for the most part.
The Name is very cozy. very casual, very much a family owned business. and its helping me narrow down my interests. i'm just thinking too much. basically everything is fine and smooth and i'm filling up the blank spaces with introspective crap. i am thankful for: avocados, red bull, kickboxing classes, good music in my car, my car itself- my holy blue coccoon of solitude and bliss, south park, rice milk, cory, eric and his dinosaurs, aubrey aidan and eoin, tom robbins, florida weather.
even its bad weather is of mild temperament. i am worried that i haven't heard anything from Dale though. she kept me sane in 508 of the Empire State. i miss her. very much. 
