  i find myself arguing with a really good friend from 6th grade.  it's horrible because she's mad i broke the promise of not going out with jesse. but i mean. a person can't really make these kinds of promises because of the opportunity one might go through during life.  it just so happened that jesse said he was treating me badly and he wanted to keep me because he needed me. and i could tell he did with every tear that dropped.
and he said he knew how he could keep me after i hesitantly told him how [ he]  complimented me and how jesse hadn't in forever. i need to be complimented. and after i told him. he did fuss a bit.
but being back together. he has surely complimented me a lot and i know he's trying. it's just a tragic life i lead. for i know it will end all too soon. and where do i go from there?  do i pointlessly ask my "
friend"  for advice and not take it?  heck no. i ask for advice. maybe i'll take it. maybe i won't.
it all depends on what i think it is right. i'm tired of people having dreams of my life and trying to mold me so i fit their dreams. i am my own person and am fully capable of everything. no one is gonna be able to help me be me.  it is a job only i can uphold.  but nevertheless you try and change me.
 i am and always will be me.  why can't you accept me and my decisions?  why can't i ever be good enough for you?  why am i always finding fault and doubting myself when you put me down?  i can't be wrong to myself. only you can make me feel that guilt.
 friend. why are you so bothered by him?  he may not be perfect. but i love that guy as you love ur bf.  times two.  and dissing who i believe in is hurting our friendship.
so much that you are even ashamed to talk to me. cuz i'm not worthy of your respect anymore. just respect my decision as the friend you should be.  that's all i want. don't stop urself from criticizing me. maybe i need to hear it.
don't censor yourself because it will only drag us down. well. it's not like i'm your bestestestestest friend anyway. so many emotions are flooding my words of rage.
