  lets do a quick review. i have been on a really big break for a couple of months, which is about to end. The break started when i made the decision to move back to dc from ny. why i made this decision: ny hates me.
within a three week period my boss tried to get me really drunk and sleep with me, which luckily did not pan out for him but caused me to have to work a lot less; i was robbed at a bar and then my empty purse was held for ransom. my cell phone and keys were recovered....wierdness that can only happen to me in strange neighborhoods of brooklyn; upon returning home from work one day i found a dead man on my front stairs, who remained there for 3 1/2 hours forcing me to get drunk and cry outside my apartment because ambulances do not take dead people and apparently the morgue had a waiting list; and to top it all off my car was stolen!
therefore - really big break! i now live in dc with my parents, which is interesting to say the least. i became really motivated when i got back and decided to start my own photography business, which started out really well. i then discovered that clients will do anything to avoid paying for this service, which led to my decision that i hate people and needed a real job. actually, i had a couple real jobs on the side, all of which i had to quit because of shadiness, unwillingness to pay (of course) and wierd old man crushes.
fun. not only do i hate people, but i've spent the past 4 years being a photographer and at this point havent shot in months, not counting the rock and roll shows. interesting thing is, all of this has been really positive and mainly i've been able to be optimistic. which leads me to be reminded of a conversation i had with one of my best friends at a bar last winter. we were discussing the interesting fact that one can be in their early to mid-twenties, motivated and responsible, talented and happy....and when you throw in a relationship everything gets twisted around. maybe it was just the bitter cold, or the really drunk guy attempting to talk to us in a very slurred manner, but i think she made a good point.
how are we supposed to manage the attempt to be a successful, independent person and a relationship? especially if you want to have kids before you're 45. i realize that it is possible to adopt, be a single mother, and lots of other options....but personally, i like the whole meaningful relationship part of it. and i'm way too out of control to ever do that without live-in help. perhaps liz c. is right in wanting a mail order russian bride. i'm sure that lot's of people don't have this problem. unfortunately, i'm not one of them. realizing that i'm at the stage where i really do need to become a responsible adult and all of these issues become real is really overwhelming and makes me want to take lot's of anti-anxiety medication. and i am a smart, talented person who just got a great job, has wonderful friends and a great boyfriend.
point is: what brought this all on is the fact that great boyfriend went away for a vacation, where he was abducted by aliens who ate his body and sent their leader back in his place. this has led to me taking little pills with wine, not eating for extended periods of time, and sleeping with the light on. or it's all just brought on by me getting my stupid period and being really pms'y. who knows? i'm sure we'll find out. 
