  i checked my email today. four or five ads for hot teens ready to show me their breasts. two ads for enlarging my dick. one ad for getting valium online. another three ads promising me low mortgage rates. i have 115 dollars in my wallet, but that won't last. money seems flow straight away from me lately. it's a problem, really, i can't hold on to one cent it seems.
yesterday, in front of my apartment complex, there were three college guys playing wiffle ball. i parked my car away from them so that they wouldn't accidentally smash their ball into my car. i opened my trunk, took out the groceries and kitty litter, and then stood there and watched them from a distance. i didn't stand long, i didn't have the patience, but it was nice to see people playing on the lawn, laughing and having fun. pumping gas this morning, not even 15 dollars worth of the cheap stuff will fill my tank all the way. i guess i should have spent five dollars more and filled the tank. the price of these things has gone up dramatically; everyone knows this. but you don't hear or see anyone who has any sort of power doing anything about it. it's the way things go, i suppose.
i've been staring at the same computer screen for three straight days. i have my workstation open, the programs i am supposed to use to work are ready to go, but the truth is that i have nothing to work on. it's this same way every day, it seems. nothing to do. everything here is about waiting...waiting to get your edited proofs back. waiting to have someone respond to your email. waiting for the deadline to come and pass before you can do anything because you are waiting for someone else to do her part of the job. this is the way work works around here, and though i am used to it, i do not like it anymore and it is time to find something else already. but there is nothing else, it seems, nowhere, for no one. it is the state of the economy, they say.
perhaps it is. i think that reading the satanic verses has been giving me weird dreams: last night, in my sleep, i am in love with a girl. she has long dark hair and her skin is fair. she lives on the north side of the city, in a small, wooded neighborhood and the top of a small hill. she already has a boyfriend, but she knows she is in love with me, totally and completely. her boyfriend is a jerk anyways.
she calls me. she wants to see me. things aren't well. she says she needs to relax, so she wants to see me to relax. in the dream, i have unlimited resources, so i visit a local fair where, as part of the exhibitions, there is a series of tents dedicated to zen living...small tents, each themed for positive life-energy and relaxation.
they contain fountains, steams, things that bring comfort. in each tent an asian woman is stretching, yoga style, in a seemingly difficult position, showcasing relaxation, zen-living. i think to myself, in the dream, that one of these tents is exactly what my dark-haired girl needs to relax. i approach one of the asian women, i ask her, politely, if i could pack up her tent and fountains and rice-paper screens, take them to my dark-haired girl so that she too can know this relaxation. the asian girl only nods, and we pack up the text and its contents. we take them to the dark-haired girl's house and re-compose the scene. the tent is up, the fountains running, steam pouring out of warm baths, rice-paper screens arranged artistically. i bend into the pool of water, the fountain fills it. it is warm. i know soon that the dark-haired girl will find me there...she will love this, i think. all for her. 
