  spent the day with my mom. she showed up much earlier than i expected so now i'm here packing a few things and then heading out to her place. dad's on his vacation. all mom really wanted to talk about today was the divorce and that was getting old for me so then she was angry and deemed me officially "in a bad mood. " ugh. eventually we talked at length. my dad's been really mean to her lately. a close friend of hers said the divorce could be final in 30 days.
mom's hopeful. dad has agreed to go see the lawyer with her. i guess they're hoping they can save some $$ if they use the same lawyer. i have no idea how all of this work...and i really hope i never do. i miss lindsay. having trouble focusing on anything for an extended amount of time. i feel rather aloof. heh. i read the word panacea. i read tchottke. both were daily words.. they only brought you to mind. i think i've put my finger on my feelings just a bit... here's the thing... i saw a "los angeles" t-shirt today and it slapped me. he flooded my brain.. that's all well and good..but THIS! THIS is the really shitty part... see, when i see those things...all they do is scream at me how far away he is.. they flash in buzzing neon that it's another world.
i'm reminded of the unlikeliness of this thing we have 'going anywhere. ' but at 24, maybe i'm acting OLD.. but i think i really only want things that are "going somewhere" from here on out. if they're not "going anywhere" it seems a waste of my time and their's. am i crazy? don't answer that. i love you, lindsay. don't be angry with me. i'm headed to mom's shortly. there's no computer there anymore, don't forget.
they gave it to bob. i want to call you but i don't want to hear an angry voice. we'll see. i hope the famed package arrives soon.
heh.
and on one more note. i love things neat, tidy, organized.. why then, am i such a disorderly mess? everything about me is unorganized and just strewn about all over the place. dreadful. 
