  Well let's see. I find myself seeing things in a whole and different light. I feel bad that it has taken me this long to get here...but I guess that is what growing is all about...it happens at the right time and when you least expect it. all my life I always thought I had to be a certain way and never let myself enjoy the things I wanted to enjoy and I was so wrong about all that.
I am enjoying the life I have and not thinking about whether I am entitled to the happiness. I also started off this year with settling past differences with people. I figured that I need to live a life with no regrets or ill feelings because life is too short to live with all that bad stuff. Why carry ill feelings towards another person? What does it enable you to do? NOTHING So I made my ammends with those I had problems with. It is funny because the person I first did that with was a few years back. I had HUGE beef with JoAnn...I mean, HUGE. But then I grew up and apologized for my stupidity through the whole ordeal and got to know her. When I finally got to know her, I admired her and actually found a friendship I could trust and actually enjoyed.
In fact I have shared with her a lot of the things that have happened in my life the past couple of years...and all that stupid stuff from the past seems more ridiculous with each passing day. I wonder why high school stupidity can make things seem so big, when they aren't. I am so sorry for the dumb things I did in high school, but am glad that after all that is said and done, I have made, what I think, will be a life long friend in JoAnn.
Reflecting on high school, I think about my two closest friends...the ones who know my innder demons and still love me...well I hope they do...Keiko and Tim...next to Ed, there are no other that know me better or longer. I miss them, but life has gotten so busy for everyone involved...I hope we get back to being best friends and having good times together...I miss that....plus I want to meet the new loves in their lives...one day at a time, right? I think I took them for granted...for that I am sorry. Then there are the wonderful friends of my youth, who I long to see. One of my best friends growing up, Toni, has been in touch with me a lot lately. I LOVE IT. It is so nice to communicate with people you grew up with.
It reminds you of the innocence you once had. I would love to meet up with them and see what they all are up to. I miss them. It would be nice to reconnect. Lastly I am realizing that in the end, no matter how many friends you have, family will always be first...of course most my friends I consider family...but I am realizing just how great blood really is.
The family bond can never be replaced, nor should it ever. So these days I have been thinking of reconnecting with my past and moving onto a brighter future with more optimism...I also am truly driven to finish school and be a teacher. I finally believe in myself enough to do it and not just talk about it. I am also thinking of writing a book...or children's books. I am just gearing myself to get organized first. So that is the enlightenment I have come to. Did I bore you guys to sleep yet? 
