  Stayed home today... Cried, slept, and ate. David stayed home, too, but he spent his day trying to make me feel better. allison is really upset with this family and i understand where she is coming from. now that everyone else feels like crap i just wish we could all feel better. i love allison with all my heart and i would give anything to make her feel better. i just wish i knew what would. -David's journal They don't understand I just want to be alone and sleep and forget about all of this. I hate it when they give me sympathy. I hate it when they give me any attention. I'm better off alone.
I'm better off dead. I've been reading David's online diary: http://www.digitalexpressions.nu/viewdiary.php?DID=25027 He's pretty upset Judy won't sleep in the same bed with Larry. She says it's because of his snoring. I understand all sides, if you care to hear: Larry feels that his own wife doesn't love him and won't even sleep in the same bed with him. He feels he can't help his snoring and shouldn't be held responsable. He feels alone and bitter.
Judy just wants some sleep and thinks it's unfair he says it's not his fault. He's been to the doctor but won't get the surgery to make him stop, thus, he hasn't tried everything. David thinks that if their marriage can't withstand snoring, it's no marriage. On a level I agree with all of them. Maybe it is time to throw in the white flag, though. David blames himself for our family fighting.
It's so easy to blame him, it tore us apart when he announced he wanted to die. I know it's not right to blame him, or anyone for that matter, but I really just want a reason why all of this is happening to me, to us. Judy said something to me last night that hit me hard in the gut. "You know what's funny? Until about last week I thought we were a happy family. " I'm out of pills. the more I sleep the more tired I get, emotionally and physically. .heart. 
