  I'm finding that I like this "Cleansing Stream" class more than I'd anticipated. Nearly everyone I met out in St. Louis went on and on about how much Cleansing Stream changed their life. In fact, while at one of the pastor's houses, I met a lady named Carole who actually used to lead Cleansing Stream in New Castle! I was in St. Louis, in a private home, and met a lady from New Castle! How strange is that! I'm smart AND stubborn. This hasn't helped me like you'd think it would. I have all kinds of head knowledge from reading the Bible, but the heart knowledge? I guess I'm too stubborn and prideful to let it penetrate past the upper extremities and into the place it needs to be hidden the most.
I help people. I can't help myself. The prophet, Dennis, who came to New Covenant, hit this right on. He said God was telling him all about how I needed to take care of myself and not everyone else in the world. How do I do that when I don't want to? And don't think I deserve my own attention? Mindsets. It's all about mindsets. My former mindset, (and, yes, it is FORMER) is that I am not worth it.
I'm not worth my time or anyone else's. So, I need to be helping everyone else to have SOME kind of worth. Tuesday night and then again last night, my worth was re-examined. What kind of God would be so lavish with someone He didn't think was worth His time? What kind of God would think me worth it? And Who would think me worth wasting on? Lavishing on? Any blessing I received from God, I would see it as a necessary thing He needed to give me. There was something He was going to use it for and that was as far as it went.
I wouldn't see a blessing as something He simply wanted to give me, to bless me with. A revelation on this came when I hit a crisis point this month and called my best friend. God told me He didn't give me Craig as someone just to be there when I needed, but He gave me a friend I could talk to about anything and everything. It was and is to be a relationship of friendship, and easy friendship. I don't have to call Craig only when I need to or if I know I need to minister to him. I can call him and just talk for hours about anything and everything. This month has been one of the hardest of my life.
There has been so much transition and change. AND ON TOP OF THAT!!!!!!!!!!! God has been changing old things in me. So, I've been talking to Craig a lot more than I did before. Two o'clock in the morning, during his classes... Anytime! And he is there to talk. I haven't really had that kind of friendship before. I've been that person before, but in a counseling type of situation. I haven't RECEIVED that kind of friendship. God wants to bless us with so much more than we desire.
And He wants different things for us than we would ask for ourselves. How long is it going to take me to get this entire revelation? God loves me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plain and simple. What else do I not get, Lord? Start cluing me in! 
