  Today is reality tv forum's 6 month anniversary. I remember when I put that in the planner how much i was hoping that we'd make it, how full of love and enthusiasm i was for it all.
I guess for the last month or so that I was really into it, it was for the wrong reasons, because I was letting myself be influenced by people who are maybe not the sanest in the world. As soon as I really distanced myself from everything to do with that I realised that a long time ago I stopped feeling the same way about the forum, stopped needing it, and even stopped wanting it as much.
It's for the best, therefore, that we've stepped down as admin. It's scarey for me though, because I guess I depended on the forum to kind of keep me alive inside when I was working from home. I know that others think i'm sad for this, but I really cared about it all, and so I'm really quite sad today that I've passed it over, I mean i know the people who have taken over will do brilliantly, and will be able to dedicate a lot more time than we've been able to the last few months, but still, sometimes you know something logically but it takes you a little while to catch up with that thought.
So for now I think I'll just be sad. I'm blurry in my head the last few days, not knowing whether certain things mean what i think they mean, knowing that they don't and yet not knowing what to do if they do, and whether it even needs to, or will, make any difference. So, I think I should go take a bath, because I love lying in the bath and reading with loads of big bubbles xx 
