  Remembering my dream I dreamed of J last night. I saw him on the road while we were driving, both in BC, I think. He was driving his black Toyota Tacoma pick-up truck. He came to visit me at my parents place; a place we’ve never lived.
He was still living with his girl, but we kissed a few times. I remember it feeling like he was kissing me in a very friendly fashion, quick, close-mouthed kisses that were meant to be casual. Towards the end of the dream he wanted to sleep with me, but I think only because I was reaching for him so strongly and he could feel it.
I think we wouldn’t have had sex, since it was unspoken but obvious that he would go back to his girl, and never stay with me, even though I loved him. Note: During this dream, I was not with Tomek. I think I was dreaming this soon after I fell asleep at Tom’s, or maybe it was after I went pee at 4 a.m. Tom couldn’t wake me up last night, and I wonder if this dream was keeping me from him.
I’ve never been one to assign value to dreams, or try to interpret them, but this time I have to wonder. Was it trying to show me something that I already have figured out and decided, but just hasn’t surfaced yet? So, was it something in my deep sub-conscious that rose to the surface of my thoughts when I was sleeping? Is it saying that Tom and I are doomed, because I still have the same opinions that I had when I was with J (although now they are more reasonable, I think)?
Or is it telling me not to compare J and Tom because they are two entirely different people? Now that I think about it, J was thinking about coming up for another visit, before things between him and his girl got “serious”. But I had just met Patrick at the time, so I nixed that idea. I wonder where I’d be now if I had let him come, and we had slept together again?
Ha. Looking back on it, I can’t believe I chose Patrick over J. I wonder if J was just wanting to come up for “fun” or if he was wanting to try again with me, and give me another chance? Still, I wonder why he came to me in a dream last night? Is it because Tom is starting to parallel him? A guy who I love, but is fond of substances? 
