  This is a copy of an email that I just sent to my best friend, Maggie, who currently resides in Seward, Alaska. You might remember my mentioning that she and her boyfriend quit their jobs, packed everything up in his Jeep, and drove out there this spring with no jobs, no where to live, and about $1000 between the two of them. Anyway...she's doing really well out there...they both found good jobs and a little apartment, and she seems quite happy. I miss her terribly, though. The purpose of my showing you this email is to reaffirm the fact to any of you who do not know me that well that I am, in fact, truly as weird in real life as I am on this blog (which actually IS 99% real life anyway. Ok, 98%....95% at LEAST).&nbsp; &nbsp; Enjoy.
&nbsp; There's something fundamentally wrong with the fact that one&nbsp;(meaning myself)&nbsp;can ingest veritable POUNDS of raw carrots and yet still remain ravenously hungry not 5 minutes afterward. &nbsp; I just thought you should be aware of that fact.&nbsp; &nbsp; The sky is very bright blue and there are lovely big puffy white marshmallow clouds outside my window. However, I know better than to venture outside, as I can see the paint bubbling on the vehicles out in the parking lot, it's so hot out. I knew that if I complained about it being unseasonably cool enough times, someone upstairs would eventually turn the oven on and blast me, just out of spite. &nbsp; My stomach is making strange, gurgling, "feed me something besides carrots you retard, I'm empty" sounds. I'm hoping that my co-workers don't notice.
How embarassing. &nbsp; I need to write you another letter, because I need to tell you about my log-house-building adventure from this weekend. Plus, I miss you. And I have something to send you that I hope you will like. &nbsp; I think that's it for now. It's almost lunch time.
If I can just...hold...out...another...10....minutes...*quivers at the thought of&nbsp;the turkey and cheese sandwich beckoning her from the fridge* &nbsp; love your nut-job best friend who's stuck in new england where it's hotter than Hades and not half as amusing. &nbsp; ps: Did you read my letter? Did you laugh at the mouse story? Be honest. ;) &nbsp; pps: the moral of this email, if you had not picked up on it, is to stay away from carrots if you are truly hungry, because they will do nothing except make your stomach have loud, scringy-sounding bouts of empty growling and leave a funny taste in your mouth. &nbsp; ppps: I hear that if you eat enough carrots over an extended period of time, they will actually start to turn your skin slightly yellowish-orangey.
I would count this as another "con" against carrots, personally. &nbsp; pppps: But then again, you may have noticed that my personal opinion of carrots is not especially high to begin with. &nbsp; ppppps: Ok, I'm really going now. ;) If you made it this far, I'm proud of you! ;) 
