  I thought maybe that if I didn’t look at you, I’d forget that you’re there. That maybe, I can fool myself into thinking the world is not cruel. I thought maybe, if I avoided your eyes, I wouldn’t see the void in it when you look at me. That maybe, I can have the choice of what to imagine your eyes would reflect if I do get to look at them.
I thought maybe, if I ignored my quickened heartbeat, I’d have a chance to forget and move on. Maybe, if I hardened my heart to your charm, I’d recover the controls of my senses. I thought maybe that if I acted as if I didn’t see you, I wouldn’t realize that I’m in pain; That maybe, if I pretended hard enough, I’d be able to convince myself I’m fine. I thought maybe if I lied to myself often enough, the lies would take on cosmic power and be truths in themselves.
Maybe I can believe that you don’t matter to me. I thought maybe, if life would be kind, it would spare me from the wrath of reality. That I could just go on and make-believe that you and my pain do not exist. I thought maybe, the heavens will hear and take pity on me and then I would no longer be immersed in a sea of maybes but of certainties. 
