  For some reason, the tangent universe was not in sync last night, and Vicente left my house at 11:45 to GO HOME . I think he is on a no-poultry diet for a while. This happens about every six months. Or every time my head spins around and split pea soup comes flying out of my mouth. Which did NOT happen last night. I give up. Men cannot be understood. That's why I'm buying the Chubby G the very next opportunity I get.
POOR TIMING Maybe he is just worried because he has so much to do to get ready for the next six weeks? Maybe I'm this OCD bitch who cannot just let things lie and has to obsess over a fucking voice mail message? (I think the latter AND the former apply here. ) FREE-RANGE CHICKENS Pisser opened a can of bean-eating worms when she posted about United Poultry Concerns. I've gone off my eggs-over-easy-with-wheat-toast (unless they are of the free-range variety, which I am almost certain Denny's doesn't carry) and I am having nightmares about molting chickens. Perhaps I should don a nurse's uniform and shout out " Bok! " ala "The World According To Garp.
" DRUNK DIALING I received TWO drunk dials (count them, people, TWO) last night (this morning, whatever). The fascinating part of this is that I almost always do the DD, but rarely receive it. Mainly because most people know I'll be DD'ing them later, so they don't bother. I also got called a bitch and a see-you-next-Tuesday (those were the actual words ) for not picking up the phone. Guys, my ringer's off. I cannot hear the phone. Specifically because I do not want to speak to people at two a.m. No, not even you .
I might be intoxicated. However, last night, I was not so, unfortunately. And the one voicemail I got that was not under the influence didn't use chicken terminology . So now I am sad. BITTER WITH BAGGAGE SEEKS SAME I have CHEESE on my t-shirt. Last night, I actually ate cheddar-cheese-stuffed-jalapenos. And I hate jalapenos. Or so I thought . Why did the chicken eat the mountain? Because it was THERE.
This skinny bitch really can be a PIG sometimes. IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME... I would find a way to be 18 years old in physical appearance, 75 years old in wisdom and 100 years old in eccentricity. Copyright 2004 Non-Girlfriend 
