  NON-GIRLFRIEND'S "BLAME SOMEONE ELSE" LIST (please feel free to add to it, babies , I'm just getting started for next Friday! ) 1. I blame Fab D and Bunny for the Sephora addiction 2. I blame CHEESE pizza for my food baby, Norman 3. I blame Timmy for picturing all Mexicans in flip-flops now 4. I blame Vicente for the multiple piercings and a couple tattoos 5.
I blame Mary/Lisa for, well, for nothing 6. I blame Paddy for encouraging my slothful behavior (I used to mop every other day, damn it) 7. I blame Pisser and Bunny for my blog addiction (you bitches! ) 8. I blame someone I work with for my alcoholism 9. I blame all of you for anything I leave off this list 10.
I blame both my ex-husbands for my divorces 11. I blame myself for being stupid enough to marry either one of them 12. I blame genetics for Sparky's death 13. I blame Paige for getting me hooked on nicotine 14. I blame Prozac and alcohol for my lack of short-term memory 15. Huh?
16. I blame Baptists for my anti-organized religion hangup (and I thank them for it, too) 17. I blame workaholics for much of the stress in most Americans' way of life 18. I blame no self-discipline for the state of my house, my belly and my financial affairs 19. I blame Glen Campbell for Paddy's fascination with mug shots 20. I blame Buzzy for my inability to sleep past 5:30 every morning 21.
I blame Paddy Mac for all the ridiculous comments supposedly posted by me 22. I blame my parents for spoiling me 23. I blame Vicente for that, too 24. I blame Mary Kate and Ashley for the nausea I succumbed to while reading "People" magazine a couple weeks ago 25. I blame my grandmother for my mother's childhood 26. I blame my grandfather for my father's emotional inavailability while growing up 27.
I blame the 80s for a lot I probably shouldn't 28. I blame myself for not finishing my undergrad degree in Literature 29. I thank, er, blame , Vicente for my foray towards a darker side 30. I blame Bunny for leaded mango snowcones 31. I blame Blogger for losing a lot of my links 32. I blame myself for "losing" a lot of drunken posts 33.
I blame Older Sibling and those boys in sixth grade for starving myself silly 34. I blame Scottie for my Bad Boy Fetish 35. I blame a certain guy for one of my friend's unhappiness 36. I blame satellite TV for my ever-growing food baby 37. I blame genetics for my compulsive, addictive personality 38. I blame viruses for most of my computer problems 39.
I blame uptight, morally superior fascists for making Americans think there is something wrong with being naked 40. I blame that girl, Cynthia, for making me think all women were back-stabbing bitches for a while 41. I blame that guy I almost ran into this afternoon for putting me in a bad mood 42. I blame that ambulance for my near-accident 43. I blame the American government for what happened to Native Americans 44. I blame Chris Noth for making me want my own Mr. Big 45.
I blame ageism (sp? ) for my obsession with moisturizers 46. I blame fatism (eh? ) for my obsession with my clothing size 47. I blame insecurity for people not being able to accept each other and just get the fuck along 48. I blame the Easter Bunny for three of my cavities 49.
I blame Coke for the rest of them 50. I blame all of you for sitting through this shitty post As Bunny would say, "Testify! " Copyright 2004 Non-Girlfriend 
