  Well, its the first day of passover and I am already staring at my husband, Jamie's hot dog (no, this is not a metaphor) longingly. I used to think that keeping passover was silly in the same way that I think that any religious dietary laws are outdated and unnecessary. Can I help it if I love the cheeseburger? I don't begrudge people that want go kosher--more power to them, but I am certainly not looking to the Torah for dietary guidance any more than if Jamie dies will I become his brother, John's woman.
So why is this year different? Well, I have come to believe that sometimes its good to take a break from things to give you a better appreciation for what you have. This became clear when my doctor told me I needed to cut out all the junk in my diet and watch my dairy & wheat intake.
So I stopped eating desserts, drinking lattes and started having more fruits and veggies. The first three weeks were pretty brutal. I had a physical longing for cookies,biscuits and a good stinky cheese. But it passed and I got used to it. There is a huge difference in how I feel physically. I feel cleaner and lighter and have more energy. My gastro-intestinal system is pretty pleased with itself. When the holidays loomed I made the decision that I wanted keep passover. Just to see how it effected me. Would I feel even better, more focused spiritually? I think there is something about a physical reminder of your beliefs.
There is something to making it clear that you are a part of a group, especially one that is a minority. Does it make me feel more Jewish? Maybe. One of the things about formally converting is that you are really clear about the choice to be a part of something. I jumped through the hoops knowing that this was the religion I valued. This religion was the one that I was the most connected to, that most resembled me.
At the same time, when you tell people that you have converted--there is that feeling from some that you still aren't *really* Jewish. Which is ridiculous, but still there. So I sit next to a big pink Matzos box at work and nibble as I plod away at scheduling students into classes. And I am sure by next Tuesday, I will be jonesing for pizza and beer. But I hope I get a little perspective on the way. 
