  Watching Kobe Bryant make an absolutely amazing three point shot to win the game last night, Jamie and I argued about whether they would make Kobe the MVP with all his baggage right now. Can you give the MVP award to a man accused of rape? In talking about this with my buddy at work, he made the claim that they should give him MVP if he deserves it and that he doesn't believe Kobe is a rapist.
When I asked why, he said that the woman had multiple sexual partners before the rape charge (two days before) and that you couldn't determine conclusively that the vaginal trauma she had was from Kobe. Now this smacks a little too close to the statement "anyone with multiple sex partners can't be raped" which makes me see red and start to yell about laws trying to enforce moral standards on women. His argument was that in order to convict someone of rape, the evidence must be more conclusive than that, even if it means that men are not held liable. Which makes sense, sort of, but also means that men are going to get away with raping women. Now that brings up a whole issue around what defines rape and who gets to make the call. When I asked my friend what he thought happened, he said he thought that she started off having consensual sex and it got more rough than she wanted. I asked him if he thought she ever said "no. " He hedged his answer. He said that she may well have said no and but it couldn't be proven that he raped her.
And that is where the sticky wicket lay. Now, I believe that the minute a woman says no (regardless of whether she means it), he pulls out and goes home. He can be pissed and frustrated and never call her again, but because his penis is inside her, she gets to make the call when it isn't ok anymore. But in the bigger scheme of healthy, safe sexuality, I think that I want it to be both fair and clearcut. And that isn't what sex is. Its messy and complicated and changes daily. I want it to be something that is not influenced but the type of people involved. How do you structure sexual politics to in a way to give it clear guidelines? Especially in a world that reinforces that women can be forgiven for sexual proclivities if they are intoxicated or under the influence. In the end, I think that society is pretty invested in sex being messy--morally, physically, emotionally and most importantly, legally. There is a book called urlLink The Morning After, by Roiphe that came out on the coattails of Paglia's sexual responsibility tirades in Sexual Personae that hit home with me.
Roiphe talked a lot about why men have to be responsible for date rape when girls come to the party, get drunk, hump a frat boy, regret it the next day and call it date rape. She wanted to know why women aren't responsible for the situation they helped create. Her point was "don't want to be date raped? don't get so drunk that you put yourself in a situation that might bring it on. " You can call her a misogynist all you want or hail her as finally speaking the truth, but this is what you get when you try and make it clearcut.
And that doesn't make me any more comfortable. So I think I am stuck in the waffle. I believe women need to embrace their sexuality responsibly and be strong in the lines that they draw. I want them to be cynical and paranoid and free and trusting all at the same time. What do I do with that? 
