  Faith and Fear - Part One I've been having mood swings all night. This happens every so often. And usually it's because of money... It's always because of money. I ran across a site a couple days ago from some guys that I knew back in the day. We met traveling the convention circuit and we always mingled in the same online circles. Well they're hitting it big now with some of the new work they've been putting out.
I guess it's insecurity, or jealousy, or just the every day stress that needing money brings. But it's sent me on some major emotional trips. But that is the struggle that comes from trying to achieve your dreams. It's the inner battle between faith and comfort . I don't have to struggle. I could get a job and live comfortably. I could go get a job tomorrow and have all my debt paid off in a year, and even have money left over to buy the car I've needed for so long.
And for all practical points and reasons that would be the best thing for me to do. But faith tells me otherwise. Faith tells me that I can do anything if I believe in myself and God enough. Faith tells me that I can make more in one month working for myself than I could in a year working some meaningless job for someone else. In theory, every day that I spend working to become successful and financially independent using only my talents, brings me that much closer to achieving that dream... in theory. But that's been a long road traveled. Seven long years traveled. It's very trying. And really, my faith has never let me down.
Anytime that I have actually put myself out there and trusted in my faith, it has been more successful than I ever imagined. What has let me down, is me. My fear, my inadequacies, my discipline, and even my own abilities. But never faith. I've worked hard to overcome those problems. My abilities are not the problem any more, but they were for a very long time. I've over come many of my fears and inadequacies. But discipline... lack of discipline... still plagues me. But that is what I've been working so hard these last few months to deal with. I've been building discipline in all the simple things, so that eventually they will lead to discipline where it really matters.
As far as my financial struggles (which started this whole diatribe). I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about a problem he was having financially. It was getting to him. And the advice that I gave him was to accept responsibility for what caused him to get to where he is, and make a plan for where he wants to be a year from now. Don't dwell on the problem. Find a solution, make a plan, and create the environment to achieve that plan. It's much easier to deal with the problem if you can see it being fixed over a long period of time.
...I guess that's the advice I need to give myself tonight. I know how close I am to financial independence. I know it's still a ways off, but very much attainable. I just need to keep reminding myself to "keep it simple" and continue making small, easy to achieve goals, so that I can see myself progressing. --Will 
