  Sinking in. I haven't had a great week. Lots of forces working against each other in my life right now. I think I've been battling my demons, but it's so hard to make out the good from the bad. I'm torn between faith in myself and God , and knowing what works . I know that living on faith works, but it's a very hard thing to trust. I've seen it work many times, I've even trusted it many times.
But I don't yet understand it. Fear is a lot of my problem. Fear of the unknown. How can one live on what his talents alone provide? How can all the pieces come together just right so that it's possible to live off of my own abilities? And most importantly... Can I handle it? I see it's possibilities, but the unknown permeates it all. I think conquering my problems one small step at a time, has really been the solution all along. But I find it becoming more and more complicated by "possibilities". I could take this small thing that I've done and take it to the next level. I could take this small thing and do it HERE and do it THIS way and it will bring all the success I have longed for.
These possibilities are where failure inevitably intervenes. I don't know, it all sounds like mindless babbling to me. The only thing I do know, is that I started swimming 4 months ago and I could barely finish 10 laps. And now I effortlessly do 50. And I suspect that 4 months from now I will do twice that. And I know that the caricatures will get better too with each month of doing them. And doing comic books and everything else will get better with each month. As long as I'm consistent.
But the planning.. and the possibilities are where I keep getting tripped up. Counting the money before it's made, taking the next step before I've finished the first, making plans to do something before my talents are even ready to meet that promise. I'm sabotaging myself with potential. It's a whole way of thinking that I'm having to force myself to change. Something else I've found. One of the inherent problems with facing your demons, is facing all the consequences and repercussions that you avoided (or ignored) while you were letting convenience (laziness) and fears rule your life. I've had a lot of those consequences come up this week, and I'm afraid they are only the tip of the iceberg.
But I find that in facing my problems, I receive more of the tools I need to deal with them. How do I know that? I believe very much in the saying that "God never gives us more than we can handle. " And the reason that consequences are surfacing now, is because I'm ready to deal with them. It's painful admitting how wrong I was about some things. It's painful accepting mistakes. But I know in time, I will find complete peace in knowing I've conquered them.
And hopefully I can continue on this path until they are all conquered. I want to find peace in living . --Will Now about this song... I wanted to share it with ya'll. It's the song that gives me some of the greatest comfort in my life. I'm not sure why, I can't really explain it. Maybe it's the simplicity of it, or all the memories associated with it, or maybe it's the rousing chant of "Everything's gonna be alright!
" in the middle of the song. But whenever I listen to it, I find myself peacefully soaking into my mind and ready to face whatever struggle brought me down to begin with. I found this song again last night, and it brought me back to the surface of my life. Taking in a deep breath of the air I'd been struggling to breathe. It brought me... peace. No Woman No Cry Said I remember, when we used to sit. In the government yard in Trenchtown. Observing the hypocrites, as they would mingle with the good people we meet. Good friends we've had, and good friends we've lost, ...along the way. In this great future, you can't forget your past. So dry your tears I say. No woman, No cry. No Woman No Cry. Woman and sister, don't shed no tear No woman no cry. Said I remember, when we used to sit, In the government yard in trenchtown.
and then Georgie would make a fire light and that wood log would burn in through the night and we would cook corn meal porridge of which I'll share with you My feet... is my only carriage So I've got to push on through. But while I'm gone. Everythings gonna be alright Everythings gonna be alright Everythings gonna be alright Everythings gonna be alright Everythings gonna BE alright Everythings gonna be alright So woman don't cry. Woman and Sister... you can dry your weeping eyes No woman, no cry. --Bob Marley 
