  Ah yes work. It's barely 10am and i'm already avoiding doing things. What a great vacation. i feel rested (albeit tired because my plane landed at 1am!
) and ready to get my life in gear. but first, i'ma gonna need some coffee. well, being alone did me some good. watched a lot of early morning TV ( urlLink yay Ellen!! so funny i could die ) and came to many a realization: (cue birds chirping in the distance) i'm good enough i'm smart enough and gosh darnit, people like me.
nah, i'm just kiddin'. i know how Sex and the City ends. i think i've stopped caring whether i know or not... it'll still make me laugh and cry, whether or not i know what the end result will be. i began to wonder why i was so adamantly against Carrie ending up with someone. i was getting physically nervous about the whole situation. Maria, it's just a TV show, calm down. Carrie has become such an icon. people relate to her. people compare themselves to her. her getting together with Big would mean that every girl who has an on-again-off-again relationship with someone would think that eventually they would end up together... and i didn't want any of my friends (or a certain friend in particular) to harbour any hopes.
then i saw an interview with Miss Sarah Jessica Parker on CNN (Larry King Live) where she said that the end of the series was a nod to the old movies where love triumphs over all... Maria, it's just a TV show, calm down! i think i've stopped believing in love. i don't think love triumphs over all, except maybe on TV and in the movies.
i guess i hadn't realized to what point my last relationship made me crazy. i keep dreaming of this perfect guy: dresses well, watches Sex and the City, has a job he likes... (to dream the impossible dream...) and i can't help but realize that i may not meet him, that i may just meet a guy i think is... O... K... marry him because he is dependable, have children with him because we can afford to... and wake up 20 years later justifying it by thinking that it could have been worse.
i realize this and i keep hoping that i'm wrong. i realize this and i need to stop thinking that all men are scum. everywhere i turn it seems that someone is sleeping with someone they're not supposed to be sleeping with. everytime i think of my ex boyfriend, i can't help but realize all the lies i fell for. will i ever trust again? will my next relationship be about "working through my issues"? god. i also realized that i need to quit a job.
this one. i am so bored here i could die. yes, they are paying me quite well, but at what expense? i'll talk to my "other" boss tonight, and see what it is he can offer me full time. this contract is up at the end of March anyway. Summer is slowly but surely approaching. it's warm out, the snow is almost all gone. it'll snow again before March is through, but the worst is over. the summer will soon be upon us. this promises to be one of the best on record (knock on wood).
my roommate is getting on my nerves. he's still not working, and is depressed as a result. it's fine cuz his mom pays his rent and i don't have to worry about him, but he's home ALL THE TIME and i never get any time to myself. when i got back he said, "i was getting used to living alone. " WELL TOO BAD BUDDY, this is my home too! when he starts working things will be better... and i have to clean my room! it's so disorganized. now i have to do post-trip unpacking and cleaning... when my dad's back in March, i'll get my bunkbed!!
so exciting!
! 
