  Disclaimer: I like Marlene. She seems to be doing very well, last time I saw her. She's married, and expecting her first ankle biter. To my knowledge, she has never even seen a drug of any kind. That being said, this was too good to pass up.
I'm sure I don't know why this was written and sent out to my friends back in high school, and I'm even more sure I don't know why I have a copy after more than eight years. I feel confident that this will be of interest to all of maybe five people in the world, and my only reason for posting this is just that it's fun sometimes to look back and see how out of our goddamned minds we once were.
All typos are intended. Subj: t-shirt talk Date: 96-03-28 01:29:02 EST From: MARLENE225 To: Sara, Josh, Eliz93 CC: Snitram, UNTScout This is a very good example of what can happen to a person after too much sleep, too much stress, too much caffeine, and too much English!!! T-SHIRT TALK------by marlene ****** Do people tend to psychoanalyze everything? I mean if you maintain a certain perspective isn't everything or doesn't everything become an expansive, extensive metaphor?
Why do we manage to create a world full of comparisons-can't we see anything just as it is-"unmisted by love or dislike"...or is it truly- "a tale told by an idiot"... Take the ultimate example---"life"--For all the great people that have ever existed has anyone ever managed to find a single,consistent definition? Or is life truly undefineable? Life is "like" or "as" many things- a journey, a box of chocolates, a rollercoaster, a flowing river, a mountain climb...etc.------BUT WHAT IS IT??
Do people use metaphors,similies-figurative language and all that other good "stuff" as ways to sidestep the true meaning in things? Everyhting seems to be dressed up in some kind of imagery....Why such a fascade? Is there never anything straightforward and honest? Are we really that starved for adjectives and colorful language? Take me--If I wanted to find a bizarre way to describe my personality--alterego, whatever you want to call it---I could always find a comparison-generic, commercial, conformist--it really doesn't matter.
I could talk a whole lot without really revealing anything that significant. I could say that "I am like a white t-shirt with a whole lot of Dr.Pepper stains on it. Now -stretch our imaginations--O.K.--- white symbolizes purity and stains obviously make the t-shirt somewhat tainted. Sometimes the stains are gone-washed away. and the t-shirt becomes fresh and clean-comfortable to wear and appealing to others. But after a while even the neatest of t-shirts gets dirty and tainted--and if neglected it may start to reak an odor 'horriffic" to others and miserables to wear.
One often wishes to be able to shred the cursed garmet-- but does not for the fear of indecency. But what is indecency? Is it more indecent to don a putrid, foul smelling t-shirt, or to expose something more compelling underneath? Which would we rather? How often do we wash out t-shirts? Are most t-shirts even white? They could be black, red, or tyedyed for that matter-- Do our t-shirts even feign a glimpse of purity-white?
Is another shade of color more provoking or less difficult to attain for that matter? What defines the difference between a white and a black t-shirt? Is it symbolic that one color absorbs the sun and the other does not? How much sun can a tyedyed t-shirt absorb? How does a t-shirt fit?-not to mention how does it look. Is a t-shirt tight,oversized,sleeveless,tanktop, or if we dare--croptop---?? Why is a simple white t-shirt never good enough? When we change t-shirts, do we do so for:necessity, personal, or secondary satisfaction?
Or do the three options correspond with each other? Or--here's a left-wing alternative--perhaps we change to establish variety for the sake of maintaing sanity. What determines comfort in a t-shirt? Is it acquired or does it come naturally? Some people seem destined to be comfortable or uncomfortable--no matter what fit or style. And if t-shirts themselves aren't enough for you--stop to consider satins. Perhaps I'm lucky to have a t-shirt with only Dr.pepper stains to taint it.
After all, there are much bigger stains..."Down the road between hither and yon". Some t-shirts are inflicted with nail polish and permanent marker---Some have even managed to come into contact with the most nitty gritty--GREASE!!!! Some are even self inflicted stains....Perhaps a paint stain or two in the hopes of achieving aesthetic approval, or perhaps a failed attempt to become an aberration from the masses of white cotton and polyester. T-shirts are often likely to be the direct result of..."rasied hopes and failed expectations"..a la Toni Morrison. Which is a t-shirt stain more "abhorrent"- a stain from a 1st,2nd, or 3rd party? Is it better to have ketchup on your shirt because you put it there or because someone else did? Does the ketchup look the same regardless of who spilt it? Or are you just paranoid--maybe no one cares if you have ketchup on your shirt--Why should they?
What makes certain stains more noticeable and significant? How should you go about gettin a new shirt if the one you have has a stain DEEMed irrevmovable----How many stains determine the breaking point between a clean and a tainted shirt? What if you don't want a new shirt but everyone else thinks that you really need one? Who determines our desires? Is the appearance and attire of a certain t-shirt always hereditary? Why do we somehow tend to wear the same shirts as our parents?
Are such habits involuntary? How do we avoid such habits? Should they be avoided? Why do some people deter from such hereditary pathways? Whay do we try so hard to remove certain stains but leave others so obvious? WHY? WHY? WHY?.... WHY DO WE BOTHER TO WEAR AND TAINT OUR T-SHIRTS????????????? don't ask WHY---this was a completely spontaneous/capricious effort on my part. MARLENIE RENEE ****** 
