  Growing Older The bed is turned up, I'm comfortable in my pajamas, and it's after 1 in the morning. Three good reasons to suggest that I'm ready to call it a night. And I am. In a couple minutes. I just came into my room from watching some documentary on TVO about a cancer ward at a hospital in Toronto. It was quite moving because of the reality of it all and the lack of being "jazzed up" in any way.
No narration, just following patients around during their daily routine, listening in on their conversations and those of the nurses and doctors around them. The one patient was a woman who must have been late 80's at least. It was difficult to watch as she struggled to breathe and was so very very thin and frail. Even more difficult when they showed her dead a bit later on. I hate sickness. I've hated seeing family ill, even if it isn't as serious as cancer.
I remember my dear grandmother Dorothy Elizabeth Alward, who has been gone from here over 10 years now. She had a wonderful heart, and was simple and humble, and we loved her for it. It wasn't anything fancy, but Grandma made the best roast beef and potatoes I've ever had. Grandma Alward became quite frail in her later life and she would fall and hurt herself. It was hard to take, especially since I was pretty young. It's still hard to think about.
I wish we didn't have to go out like that. Due to sickness or being very old and not being able to take care of yourself. Of course not everyone goes out like that, some are very healthy until a "ripe old age" and just die. I hope that's the way with me, but moreso for those that are most precious to me, namely my parents. Watching that old, so very frail woman on TV tonight, I wondered, "What did she look like as a young lady? What made her laugh?
And what is going through her mind as her body slowly gives up? " And as the picture turned to her dead body lying there in the hospital, I wondered "What is life all about? " Is that all there is? Of course there's much more to her life, and to everyone's life than what can be seen in a half hour on a television program, but the question still stays with me. One question. And a mind full of hopes that I'll accomplish something and wishes will come true. 
