  ... today was a depressing day. I should just...dig a hole somewhere, bury myself there...so no one has to see my ugly face. I went shopping today. yeah. shopping and i, I guess we don't mix. I feel like the uglyiest person alive right now. ...
UGH!! I HATE THIS!! I'm reading The Handmaid's Tale and came across this excerpt. Falling in love, I said. It was, on the contrary, heavy going. It was the central thing; it was the way you understood yourself; if it never happened to you, not ever, you would be like a mutant, a creature from outer space.
Everyone knew that. Falling in love, we said; I fell for him. We were falling women. We believed in it, this downward motion: so lovely, like flying, and yet at the same time so dire, so extreme, so unlikely... I wish i was in love... 
