  Part 8 It's the end of an era, I suppose. Jay and I have lived together for eight years or so. About that, anyway. Our friendship survived our break-up even. This last few months it seemed as though our friendship was finished. It probably is now. I don't expect that I will ever see much of Jay again. So much damage has been done to our relationship by other people. I don't really trust him any more. They said that they didn't tell him to lie to me, but when they make him promise to not tell me things, how else is he to account for his time? For eight years of our relationship, Jay only told me two lies, then about two and half years ago, he was lying to me on a regular basis.
Did he think I wouldn't notice? Anyway, it's all over now. I just have to think about getting through the next wee while as I adjust to living alone. It does frighten me but I am used to fear. Going outside frightens me. There are many nights when I sleep with the light on because I fear the dark. I even sleep with the radio on to mask all noises. I still wake up screaming but at least with the light on I know where I am immediately. On Saturday night my nocturnal screaming woke up Helen; Jay has learned to sleep through it. Fortunately I don't have the nightmares every night any more. I'm having them just now because of my anxiety about moving. I've been giving advice to a couple of teenagers who having their first serious bouts of depression.
They thought they were the only ones to have this maelstrom of emotion, and that there was no way through to the other side. I've now been called an inspiration, showing them ways to cope and survive, but we are all still works in progress - they just haven't caught up with me yet. 
