  It's over between me and J. Yesterday I worked outside at the lawn. Gorgeous weather almost like in paradise. On my right there's a wedding going on, and my left children playing with their parents at the pool, right in front of me is this picture perfect sunset.
All the best thing in life was surrounding me, but I can't feel the slightest joy......I'm this living dead walking on this earth unloved......Even I have all these thing around me I have no one to share with. All I feel is rejection, betrayal, and hate. Worked 6 days and 13 to 15 hours a day, it's not that I love to work so much, it's just that I have no where else to go......Also physical pain does take the mental pain away. 
