  Why can't I just jump in? Today was another beautiful day, and I decided I could wait until a cloudy day to clean the bathrooms. I lathered up with sunscreen, loaded a bag full of books and headed to the pool. It was a perfect day to recline in the sun and catch up on some reading.
While I lounged in my chair reading and intermittently taking phone calls for urlLink OPMG , it occurred to me that I was starting to live the life I had always dreamed of. Finally, I am able to do what I enjoy most – manage projects, study, read, and run our household – and all while working for my favorite boss of all time – Ked! As I sat pondering this thought, a scene unfolded before me that caused me to realize that, although I’m heading in the right direction, something is holding me back from a truly full life.
A couple of adorable kids came and started playing in the pool. The two were strangers to each other, but seemed like old friends as they splashed around together. The girl, a cute brunette about 9 years old, stepped into the pool. She proclaimed to her dad “it’s not that bad! !” threw her neon yellow ring into the pool and jumped in after it. She started squealing and splashing and enjoying the refreshing water. After splashing around for awhile, the little boy proclaimed to all of us on the sidelines “watch me flip into the pool!” He hurled himself in, a little too close to the edge. When he came up, we asked him if he was o.k. He didn’t want to admit that he was hurt, but he slightly rubbed his head and then buried his face in his mom’s lap. She comforted him for awhile and then they headed home. He never jumped back into the pool. I smiled as I watched these two play so fearlessly and uninhibited.
My mind drifted back 18 years. I remember being like the girl and spending my summers at the city pool. I was fearless. There wasn’t a stranger I didn’t know, and I loved the water. I’d cannonball, belly flop, and even occasionally get brave enough to jump off the high dive. I could spend all day in the water without a care for what the people sitting along the edge were thinking of me. I long for those childhood days of passionate living, free from fear. Although I’m starting to live the life God has designed for me, I’ve been avoiding something.
I’ve felt God call me to a certain task for years. Occasionally, I’ll dip my toes in the water, but soon I head back to my chair by the poolside. I feel a pull to jump in and really swim. But it’s easier to sit by the edge, unnoticed, and peer over my book at everyone else enjoying the water. I’d like to play and enjoy the refreshment like that little girl, but today I’m more like the little boy.
It’s not that I hit my head once, but it’s the fear of hitting my head that keeps me on the edge. What if I jump in, look like a fool, and get hurt? What if I think I know how to swim, but really I don’t? Gradually, everyone left and I was the only one sitting by the pool. My book now sat on the table next to me. I decided I can’t spend the rest of my life watching what’s happening in the pool. I have to jump in.
Even though I know it won’t be all play, there’s still certain refreshment from swimming laps. I technically know how to do what I feel God has called me to do. I’ve had the lessons, I’ve got the talent, and I’ve read the books. I think it’s time to just jump in and start swimming. I may flail around, and I may just float for awhile, but eventually I’ll start swimming like God intended me to. But that will never happen unless I first jump in. 
