  "secretly i want to bury in the yard, the great remains of our friendship scared. " so i'm drunk, not so much meaning to be as it just sort of happened. and at crobar of all places. i knew though when i got in that cab that this would be the end result. unfortunately its one of thouse sappy i'm a bit lonesome and depressed sort of drunks and not a happy go-lightly kind of drunks. it makes me think of the past and what i had and all the random crazy things i've been doing in the last few months. i just don't know what i'm doing with myself. i don't know if its the direction that i want to be in.
i'm unsure of everything. i used to have something that i knew would be there. something secure and steady and loving. now i have doubt at every step of the way. and even that which i thought i knew so well seems to be an illusion. why does this have to be this way? why can't things just fall into place and make sense? why can't i be audrey hepburn in some fantastic movie like breakfast at tiffanys or sabrina, or the one where she finds the fbi angent who discovers that the stamps is where the money was hidden, i can never remember the name of that one.
i want every word to have so much meaning that it hurts, but everything hurts anyway. i read someone saying that they fall in love everyday, well my heart breaks everyday. and i find myself living by song lyrics... sorry this is so depressing. its completely that quarter life crisis thing and i don't know what to do about it. any suggestions? 
